I am all out to leave this country once I have stabilized myself financially. I do not have an ounce of patriotism left in me. Drastic as it may all sound, it is the truth. I find myself ending each day with the same promise over and over again - I will get out of here. If not now, later. Some time soon. 6 years maybe? 30 feels right. When a woman is in her ripened stage. Fully ready to take on the world and its challenges.

I am not being ungrateful. I am very thankful and greatly appreciate all the the things this country and its leaders have provided for me. If not for our fore fathers and their sacrifices, I would not be where I am today. We have a world class education, health care system and most importantly, security and yet these things cannot stop me from leaving. Why? Because I cannot seem to form a connection with the people here. Everyone seems to be wearing a mask of pretense over their faces. Everyone wants success so bad, it is okay to back bite. Kia Su-ism is our middle name while being a a cheap skate is our first. People have forgotten what personal hygiene is and speaking English with a stupid fake accent to fit in with the ang mos has become the trend, all just because it makes you sound educated. Right, with your stupid loose pronunciation and failed attempt of having an accent, indeed you sound like a Cambridge Scholar.

It was a bus ride home on Friday that got me noticing all of the above. Not that it was not obvious in the past. I have always noticed it but it was just more prominent that faithful day. That exact half hour bus ride home. It was a journey of discovery alright. I realised how much I despised Singaporeans. How much I do not fit in with the loose culture here.

The only thing that is holding me back is the thought of leaving my entire family behind. And yes, friends too. But family seems to be more of a challenge. My Little nieces and nephews, my cousins, my uncles and aunties and of course my parents and siblings.

Well, technology is advancing right? This distance can some what be closed though it can never fill the physical gap.

I still do not know where I will be heading to because a simple life is all I want. A little village, some animals and lots and lots of village children running around. A close commune living. When the day draws near for me to leave this stink hole, I believe HE will show me the way.

It will be a struggle at first but I will make it through. I know I will.