I feel fat. I am so scared that I will become bulimic. I find myself feeling guilty every time food enters my mouth, my main 3 meals included. I look in the mirror and see nothing but flab staring back at me and I always make it a point to stay away from full length mirrors because they make me want to just take a knife and slowly scrape the excess meat off. If only losing weight was that easy - scraping meat off.

I do not like the way am sounding but I cannot help it. It became worse lately when I had to go buy clothes for the coming school's D&D. I tried a top and my goodness my stomach looked liked a wobbly pot! I am trying hard to exercise but I am exhausted. I find it so difficult to manage my studying, work and now exercising. Ok, holidays is here and I believe I can do more and I keep telling myself I can still salvage the situation. The promise I made to myself for myself but what if like my previous attempts, it fails? and when school reopens? well, on a positive note, there is no more course to juggle with so at least the load would be lesser.

Oh GOD I have to pull myself out of this emo-shit before someone books me into the Institute of Mental Health soon.

I need a break. Really. I wish there was a short cut to loosing weight other than popping pills into my system.

Slow and steady wins the race. Healthy habits cultivate a healthy mind.

I won't give up. ( I hope). I don't want to balloon up. I think my mother plays a part here.

I really wish she would take the initiative to loose those extra pounds because as much as I hate to admit, she is part of the reason why I am feeling this way. I don't want to look like that when I turn 50.

I am terrified.

Sorry.