Looking forward to painting my room tomorrow. The theme would be quite predictable coming from me. Nature! Well, The out doors, more like it. Have it all in my mind just cannot wait to have them on concrete. =) I hope the students will like it. At least there is something to make me look forward to when school re-opens. =) hehe.Can't wait. Really can't! Hope I can have a rainbow too! Let there be space! And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.
Blame my foul mood on PMS.It is a monthly cycle of mood swings.Blame is just a lazy person's way of making sense of chaos.
Doug Coupland
This is going to be one irritating post. But I just need to vent.I feel fat. I am so scared that I will become bulimic. I find myself feeling guilty every time food enters my mouth, my main 3 meals included. I look in the mirror and see nothing but flab staring back at me and I always make it a point to stay away from full length mirrors because they make me want to just take a knife and slowly scrape the excess meat off. If only losing weight was that easy - scraping meat off. I do not like the way am sounding but I cannot help it. It became worse lately when I had to go buy clothes for the coming school's D&D. I tried a top and my goodness my stomach looked liked a wobbly pot! I am trying hard to exercise but I am exhausted. I find it so difficult to manage my studying, work and now exercising. Ok, holidays is here and I believe I can do more and I keep telling myself I can still salvage the situation. The promise I made to myself for myself but what if like my previous attempts, it fails? and when school reopens? well, on a positive note, there is no more course to juggle with so at least the load would be lesser.Oh GOD I have to pull myself out of this emo-shit before someone books me into the Institute of Mental Health soon.I need a break. Really. I wish there was a short cut to loosing weight other than popping pills into my system. Slow and steady wins the race. Healthy habits cultivate a healthy mind.I won't give up. ( I hope). I don't want to balloon up. I think my mother plays a part here.I really wish she would take the initiative to loose those extra pounds because as much as I hate to admit, she is part of the reason why I am feeling this way. I don't want to look like that when I turn 50.I am terrified.Sorry.The key to change is to let go fear.
Why do we lie despite knowing that is it is not right? Just a question that came to me while being dropped of at the station. A lazy thought that somehow struck a chord inside me. A single lie destroys a whole reputation for integrity
I need to go on a sabbath.
Breathe Divya Breathe. I need to set my room up, finish a pile of paper work and get a good break during the holidays. Time management. It is all in the time management. I will get over it. =) Positive thinking. =)
Feeling a little low in the dumps. Blame it on Monday blues. They always block my logical thinking from flowing through. Today a teacher aid who somehow has taken a liking towards me since she joined a month back said that I have a very nice face and gave my cheeks a brush. A middle age lady who already has grown up children up and down my age, just in case any imagination run while. It was a motherly touch kind of thing. She would always greet me in the morning with the prefects and would in front of them, compliment me on my smile "Miss Diva has a nice smile to go with her diva-ish name!" is what she would say when I enter the gates. Just the boost I need everyday.Nothing different today except she complimented me on my face - more like my cheeks.And so I was extra happy. "Yeah! I have a nice face" I thought to myself. But it did not last for long.There is this annoying guy who just joined my school. I have nick named him The Hulk Hogan, the reason is explained in the name itself. A bulky guy of 24 years of age.He irritates the freaking s**** out of me every other day, never failing to comment on my size whenever he is giving advice on exercising to the other female teachers. He is the CCA coordinator for the school and was a personal trainer before this. He too just joined the school a month back. ARGH! I wish I could just flush him down the toilet bowl. He joined my fellow colleagues and I for lunch today and got my goat when he started on how he likes a few of the teacher because of their "hot" bodies and ya da ya da ya da to cut the long story short, went on to praise the other younger teacher about her looks, her height and so on right in front of me! AND he asked her out for a dance in the upcoming school's D&D! Like hello!!!!!! I mean the other two at the table was a male teacher who is within my age group and an older lady of about 30 plus but me? I mean not that I want to go dancing with Mr Muscle Man YUCK! It is just that I thought it was quite hurting because I felt really awkward as he started listing names of all the teachers and how he has gone around finding their details and even listed that fellow colleague's age and relationship status etc and he did not even bother to like acknowledge my presence when half the FREAKING population of young HOT teachers were mentioned. and NO I am not exaggerating the numbers. I swear.I mean, am I really that ugly? because this is not the first time a guy has ever done this. The only time I ever get compliments for my looks is from AUNTYS. And they all have one thing in common. My stupid cheeks! ARGH! Why am I feeling so affected ? because it made me think back to so many things and it just clicked. How my circle of friends will have a "chio" one who always gets the guys while I will some how be singled out. How when we go out as a group or a pair and when a guy sneaks a glance, that girl can so confidently say she is the one who is being checked out.Why can't it be that the guy was checking me out? See? It shows that I must be really that horrendous looking. I am so irritated. I feel like an elephant is trapped inside my body.I detest being fat.ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One picture, a thousand words.Read on.
Today was a relatively fine day. My mind was for once clear from any negative thoughts, I guess it was because I was with good company for most part of my day. In school that is. The atmosphere was light as time table was suspended and the teachers were all in a really serene mood and of course that was contagious to all who were in the staff room.Had delicious prata for breakfast at the school canteen, my once weekly routine to celebrate the beginning of the end to the work week. The day drifted into noon and soon it was evening and I received a call of good news which broadened the smile on my face and thereafter, time seemed to have fast forwarded to me at tekka with my father and sisters having a superbly scrumptious dinner of 'duh' indian food! haha! and now my stomach and me are so contented with our day that we are dreaming of a sweet sweet slumber into the long night ahead.Hello Weekend! Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. ~Bill Watterson
My First Paper plane! haha! At the age of 23, I made my very first paper plane. Better late than never eh?Why the sudden interest to make paper planes? Well, I noticed one of my students with ASD playing so absorbingly with his paper plane that he did not one to budge from where he was to go play with the other kids and an idea struck me. Why not learn how to make one and use it as a form of luring the kid into the little social circle I am trying to create? We all know how using an interest of a person is the way to his/her heart right? So yea, the logic fits.It took me less than 5 minutes to fold one (I had to watch a video because I simply could not follow the diagrams) and I feel so accomplished! haha! ya..it is an accomplishment for me considering I am not want to go into all this folding paper thingy because they are just not within my interest scope. I mean hey! The fact that I learned to fold one at this age says something you know.Anywayz, I plan to get some coloured A4 papers over the weekend so that my little kakis and that boy can sit together and fold coloured paper planes which can then be brought to the field to fly..and we can have a friendly competition as to who can make it fly the furthest!Yup..it all sounds so easy in print but trust me, to get the boy to even sit for 5 mintues to listen for instruction is going to be a challenge by itself but nothing ventured nothing gained. I only have next week left before school closes plus with the 2 days away at DAS and the public holiday, I only have Monday and Friday left to test waters and then when school reopens next year? It can go full fledge! In the mean time, I shall go learn more! Paper boats, origami..the list goes on. =) **can lure more and more people in**Get over the idea that only children should spend their time in study. Be a student so long as you still have something to learn, and this will mean all your life. ~Henry L. Doherty
I am just floating all over. My heart is in one place and my body is in another. Before your adventurous mind go on a journey of absurd thinking, I am not in love. I am hungry.Hungry for adventure, for freedom. I want to explore all 7 continents of the world and yet I feel so tied down. I am a bird. Definitely not a dog, where with a little cajoling and some food thrown can be tied down to a kennel all ready to obey orders. Nope, that is not me.What then is stopping from flapping my wings and soaring off? Up into the sky of the vast unknown. I think the answer is obvious. So very obvious. And it has nothing to do with guts.Clue? It is associated with filial piety.Go figure. Not that it would be that difficult.I am in the process of fully embracing the Do first, permission later approach.Wish me luck. "When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream." - -- Paulo Coelho
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