Just a short update on the weeks happenings:
That is about it I guess. Not really planning to go out because I really feel like just zoning away into lala land and rejuvenate over the long weekend break."There is more to life than increasing its speed."
Gandhi
Oh GOD in heaven please bring some rain down tonight!
Counting down to end of practicum! 6 weeks to go! AND thank goodness for Good Friday! =) So one day less to spend in the school.
hehe..oops!
I PRAY that ARC and DAS only starts AFTER the June holidays! PLeeeeeeeaseeee!!!! =)“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Albert Eienstine
Chaotic. Ever chaotic. The ever chaotic mind of Divya.
When. When ever. When ever will it end?
Told ya. Told ya am going nuts.
See? Can you see it?
Thats it. Thats it, I have indeed lost it.
Pfft! I need a breather and this is just the beginning.
It is taking all of my strength to avoid typing a really nasty message to everyone. You have no idea how I am boiling inside.
I have no issues about you guys taking the trip. Nope not at all. The country will always be there, well if I at least decide to go before 2012 decides to take place which I obviously pray it doesn't.
It it the approach taken when I actually told the situation I am facing at home. So much for friends being understanding. I HATED the fact that I had to open a message telling me to take the next 2 days to think about it carefully. My question is this: HELLO! Which part of "situation at home is bad" did you not understand? OR wait? Were you thinking that I would actually stoop so low as to lie just because days before I mentioned that I do not want to go anywhere if the other 2 are present. I am not that dumb to use my family as an excuse.
Of all the people in the world, you.
AND, I know for the fact that if a friend was having problem, I would wait. I would ask if she is ok and not ask her to think carefully or say if money is an issue we can sort things out. May be it was said out of good will and I am over reacting but place yourself in my shoes and see it from my point of you. I mean, yea, I understand the excitement but what was all that talk about going as a group, a decade of friendship and being there for each other? Right, I saw all that in action alright.
Go for all I care, Honestly, I don't mind but before you give me that stupid speech again, think in your heart whether you really even mean it first. Then preach.
I do not need anyone to go anywhere with me. You guys do not owe me a favor. I am independent and I have people whom will give me a shoulder to cry on and a hand to actually pick me up.
Whatever, I have said this many times. I don't care cause all this is nothing new to me.
Once a sucker, always a sucker.
As I sit here doing my work in silence, I cannot help but listen to the cheerful laughter of the little ones outside. It is noon now, which means the p1 and p2 kids are in for their afternoon session.
In this silence, their peals of laughter is indeed a welcome.
I am very blessed to be working in a school. An environment where the sounds of laughter is a guarantee day in, day out.
A reminder to us that admist all the difficulty we face in life, we should be like the kids who once out of their classroom, are able to leave all the scoldings they have received behind to come out into the sunshine to enjoy the half hour of blissful playtime they are given everyday.
Yup, I have something to learn from that alright. =) Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
Alright! 6 months has passed and I am thoroughly overjoyed to say that I am going to be an aunty AGAIN!!! And this time after having 2 XX chromosomes, we are finally having an XY !! That is, a boy is on the way! Wooo hoo! Like Finally!
Aiya, boy or girl actually doesnt matter I am just glad there is another bundle of joy coming in to bring more love into this already expanding family. On the other hand, this family has an overload of girls so to have a boy is like WHOA!!!
Congrats Akka! Counting down to your delivery =). Counting down to me being a Mammi !
Maami right? haha shall clarify that with you in person! =)A new baby is like the beginning of all things-wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.
-- Eda J. Le Shan
Yea! I found something happy to blog about. ok, wait,you must be thinking why am I so free to blog instead of working? First, let me tell you this. I have LOADS of work to do but I just cannot seem to put my mind to it. My head is overloaded with thoughts and I promise after this, I will put in 150% of effort to focus on the tasks I have at hand.
Ok, here comes my happy entry.
You see, I have to always wear size 18 when it comes to wearing buttoned down shirts/blouses because of my ahem, broad shoulders BUT now, I have dropped to a size 16! Size 16 for blouses and shirts! Which means I have lost some weight!!!! =) . I must try on t-shirts to see if there is any drop in sizes. Should have la right? If shirt size can drop then naturally t-shirt should also right?
But I can feel the change because the fit is just right and my new pair of pants is already playing pull ups with me. That is, I have to constantly have my hands on my waist to keep my NEW pair of pants from falling! hehe..okok, you must be wondering why no belt? I have one but it is too casual for work pants PLUS I am too lazy to go look around for one. hahaha..I'd rather use that hunting time to finish up my assignments and to slack BIG time.
So among all the shit I have been waddling in, this is one piece of gold I managed to successfully dig out to keep me going. To slowly come out of it all.A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
There, I finally got it off my chest. The rest is still...well, I don't know. Still waiting.
Oh wait, I am not supposed to type any 'Emo' Post for the next few days. So =( I shall just stop here for now.
I am off on a temporary hiatus.
=)
I have so many things to say and for once, I am lost of words. Well, words to be spoken virtually that is. I am always lost for words when it comes to physical verbal communication.
Let me find something to say and I will be right back with a better entry.
Trust me, there is lots to say but I want to bring in something positive for a change. If am not mistaken, my previous 2 or 3 entries were not exactly smile worthy.
So yea, till I find some of my lost humor / positivity,
再见!“Spiteful words can hurt ones feelings but silence breaks the heart.”
I am guilty of that. Haha..but I don't know which is worse, the silence, the words or both.
Check out my profile picture! The box that is before the box you clicked to read this entry.
Haha..If there is a picture that best describes me, that is definitely one. Courtesy of my sister, that picture was an impromptu one.
Yup, that is me summed up in one picture alright. I am always curious, always muddled up with something and yes, how can I forget worrying and fretting - all in one expression. HAHAHA..I really like that picture. :p.
I just realised that since it is in thumbnail size, the expression may not be noticed clearly. So here goes a clearer one hehe:
kk, It is stupidly funny. ;)Curiosity Killed the cat. Satisfaction brought it back.
This week has been a real emotional mayhem. Well, technically, the week is far from over. There is still Friday, SATURDAY(which I don't even want to begin with) and Sunday. 3 Days, and from a pessimist point of you, I am not expecting it to get any better.
You cannot blame me you know. Considering how the week prior to this was. I am still searching for the lost optimism. It must be buried somewhere deep in my heart, or so I think.
I have been keeping my hp off and to those who have been contacting me, I am really sorry. I had no choice, I needed that break away from my hp for awhile. To just avoid any contact and to focus on getting myself sorted out. I am still healing from last week and my emotions are still raw, though I choose not to show it.
I had a good Birthday and I am thankful my sisters and my cousin ' little brother' made that time for me.
Saturday is approaching and that whole negative emotions are back once again. I picked up my hp to give an excuse but my fingers decided otherwise. To be honest, I am still trying to find a motivation to go and to not go brings the fear of losing my friends.
See, this shows that I MUST be having a soft spot for them.......RIGHT? Else, I am sure I would have gone against my conscience by now.
Why? It is not as if I did not voice it out to them this time. I did. I sms-ed them 2 weeks ago and told them how I felt so that when this Saturday arrived, I would not have to feel what I am feeling right now but guess what? It did not make me feel any better. In fact, it makes me want to just avoid them all the more.
My head is telling me that I am being a fool for going against my feelings but my heart is telling me to think about the years together before being the same fool.
Somehow, my head is close to winning. It is taking me a lot of control to just do it.
After all, I am the one who has to sit there with the fake smile knowing inside me that I do not want to even be there. If the 10 years did matter, I wouldn't even be feeling this way to even begin with.
I do not like being a hypocrite. Because I hate hypocrites myself.
So what should I do? Me or them?
Honestly, tell me.
I want 100% honesty. A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her. ~David Brinkley
I know I have mentioned this a gazillion,million,trillion times but I really cannot help it.
There is something really magical about a rainy weather - minus the lighting and thunder. The sound, the smell, the whole atmosphere is just so beautiful. The sight of cars splashing through the puddles as a woman under her umbrella makes a quick dash across to avoid getting wet by the sudden explosion of water approaching her and the surrounding trees swaying ever so slowly as they whisper quietly admists the breeze that gently carries in the fresh smell of rain. I love it.
Every moment of it. Whether I am home or at school (also known as work). It never fails to bring a small smile to my face AND I can never resist the urge to lift my head up and take a deep breath just to take it all in. A kind of fairy tale moment that is hard to explain.
Rain rain,never do not go away. Well, at least for now. =)And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.
I was listening to some music to cool the anger off when this song played. And a thought struck me. If I could dedicate a song to one special person, I would dedicate Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me to Anisha Chechi because she was the only one who stood by the three of us all the way while were once shunned away. I am not one to express "mushy-ness" but I just had to put it up because it is what she has done for us all these years - for us.
The one thing GOD did right for me (aside from my grandparents of course!)
I can go on and on with my writing. even if it takes the whole day. I am angry. Boiling point angry. The kind where I wish lightning would just strike on me and get me out of this mess. (Choi!) Yea, Instead of cursing someone to go , let it be me. At least I am spared the torture of moaning and being depressed. Let that go to someone else for once. It is an extremely selfish world remember?
You, my lovely parents, taught me that. That effect is slowly passing on to the other 2. If only your eyes were opened to see it. Look at Priya. Isn't she almost there yet. ARGH! Wake up for heaven sake. It is not always about the sacrifices you made. We made sacrifices too you know! And at times, I feel it is more that what you have done.
I am going to be blunt here. But am not going to be so mean to just list everything out. We are your children after all and I will take it as it is our duty to do whatever we are doing for the 2 of you.
Think back and see, aren't some of duties we carry out meant for the role of a parent? THINK. I know you know it but just choose to ignore it.
I am going to slowly cut all the strings of responsibility and just focus on ME and the other 2. SLOWLY. ONE BY ONE.
Damn
My Birthday is in 2 days time and I am not even looking forward to it. It is not even about growing a year older. It is about how everything just sucks big time. Birthday? What Birthday when 3/4 of the time I am always wondering why I was even born. I'd rather be a pet to some owner than to be the daughter of my parents. Yea, that is what is in my head in that 3/4 of the time.
They have slogged from me and all and I greatly appreciate it but there is a reason for all that. They look after us means we should only live by their rules . However old you are, your rights as an individual is NEVER respected. It is always "you follow what I do , or don't stay here" Yea, not once not twice, but a couple of times.
The most recent? Today. Just because someone converted to be a christian does not mean that I have to convert also. So if the next day you convert to Islam, I am supposed to throw away my Christianity and follow suit? Just because I live in you DAMN BLOODY FREAKING HOUSE?
I believe in Hinduism and that is my right and who the heck are you, father or not, to tell me that I am not supposed to follow it and have to throw whatever I bring back from the temple?
Shall I throw your treasured bible away? ARGH!
And that useless human that calls herself MOTHER. I do not even want to go on. The BIG guy is up there watching and one day, both your eyes will open.
OPEN your eyes and see how beautiful your children are. How different we are from those around our age groups instead of always picking on our faults and condenming us for everything.
We are not dogs you know? When you say cannot talk means cannot talk. Want to watch tv, you comment but who sits and hog it the whole damn day?
Do every damn crap for you and you walk out of the house and disappear the whole day.
The both of you will surely send me to my grave early. Either that or I may be the next to book myself into IMH. ARGH! Both of you make me sick. I do not know who is worse.
You both take turns to wear that crown.
And we are called ungrateful.
Happy Birthday? More like Happy SHITday.
"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible. "
Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourself a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Helen Keller
I was feeling really down in the dumps yesterday and this quote at the MRT station was exactly what I needed. =) So so appropriate!
I have a Like-Dislike relationship with this school. Somehow, my previous school does not seem so bad now. Yes, we had an ass of a principal but the teacher's support was there plus we had one thing in common, a strong dislike towards that guy. haha.. but it is a total opposite over here. The principal is really respected but the teachers suck big time. I-have-a-clique-and-I-dislike-your clique kind of mentality. Hello!!! We are all teachers, shouldn't we all be united as one?
Also, they do not have the same kind of heart teachers in the past used to have. In this 2 weeks, I got to see a teacher hit an adhd boy and another kick the canteen chair like a bloody ah lian as she screamed her lungs out at a boy just because he did not want to sit on the floor. Idiot.
Haiz, I just cannot wait for the day I end my practicum. However, it is still too early to say. I am just stepping into my 3rd week so lets see how the remaining 7 weeks go! ( minus the 1 week March holiday!).
Keeping an optimistic mind. =)The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book.
I really pray there is nothing wrong with them. My eyes! I am actually feeling nervous. An appointment that I have been post poning for so long and is now just 2 weeks away. Ok yea, a little too early to start fretting over it but you see, they send me an sms to remind me yesterday and that just made my heart flutter - nervously. I can feel the strain and I really pray to God that it is something that can be fixed. Anything, I honestly would do anything. Maybe it is something small. Maybe it isn't. I pray for the former.One thing is for sure. No more vanity over health. I am getting my glasses done. Nerd or not. Aunty or grandma. No more avoiding.“The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake.”
Where did all these years go to!!
Missing in picture: my pesky sister no.2. =)A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. ~Marion C. Garretty
oh goodness, I actually teared at the sight of this picture. I miss those good old days of innocence
This is my second week of practicum and guess what. I survive with nothing more than just 2 meals a day! Well, its like almost everyday I come home grouchy and irritable because my tummy is not happy and is making a lot of unpleasant noise. Remember when I mentioned about the incident where I took a 360 change and became the hulk when the waitress at Lerk Thai served me the wrong dish? Yea, I am a mini version of that hulk these days and the worse thing is, I show it on the students! hahahahaha..oops!
Well, more like the afternoon session kids. I am a very cheerful person in the morning and the irritants of all little irritants will make me laugh more than wanting to pull my hair out but come 1.30 pm, and that same behavior will have me gripping the edge of my chair as I count from 1-10 praying to all the GODs in heaven to bless me with whatever ounces of patience they have left in their mighty kingdom up there and then by the time I get my sanity back, time is up and the kids have to go back to their classes.
So what have I accomplished in this 1 1/4 week? I have no idea. hehe..oops!
I need to find time to pop in something light so that my head overrules my stomach and not vice versa. For now, my stomach is king. mwahaha. =)
I should go into the food business la. Maybe when I retire eh? ;)
Hey! But am no glutton alright! I love food but I know when to indulge and when to be healthy because I am a health freak.What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.
Call me crazy but I just CANNOT stop thinking o f this place. Check out the flight of stairs!
What an irony because I HATE climbing STAIRS!!!
Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. ;)
Shall start training my stamina so that I won't pass out at the actual sight of the stairs when I finally reach the base of that hill. hehe.."Words that enlighten are more precious than jewels."
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