Exactly 7days before I set foot into the land famously known as God's Own Country. I cannot wait and am hoping to have the chance to stay longer than I asked for, hoping for someone to cancel at the last moment to give me that chance.

Yes, I will be missing out with friends and even family but I need to catch up with myself. Everything around me is moving so fast, I feel like it is just my body in this race. My soul is still far from catching up. I need and want to slow down, get my thoughts settled, my body recharged and start the new year with a new attitude(that is what I say every freaking year) and the new semester with a fresh mind set - no more noise in my head.

I need a breather, a breath of nature, a touch of love, a spoonful of solitude and a dash of laughter - pure unadulterated laughter.

I know I am sounding a little too solemn in the past 2 entries but I cannot seem to find the reason why. I feel like a lost sheep in my own body. Honestly, I feel as if I have lost myself nowhere else but in my own thoughts. I am only 22 but I sound like a 42 year old lady in the middle of mid-life crisis. What is seriously wrong with me?

Everything that has happened in the past are all of a sudden flooding through my thoughts again and again. Things that I should have let go long time back are haunting me again.

I walk out of the door in high alert, ears tuned up to catch on to what people "MAY" be saying about me as I walk pass them, looks that may be innocently passed seem like those of mockeries.

Am I mad? Am I? Yes, I think I am.

Why? Why so out of the blue? I DON'T KNOW! These freaking bloody thoughts just come as and when they feel like it and then I go spiraling down down and down and GOD only knows when I will finally shut down.

I appear calm on the outside, but inside, is a whole hurricane of emotions. Argh!! I can see in the mirror, the spark is not there. I am easily irritable and easily brought down and it is not even PMS.

Blabber blabber, blabber. There she goes again. Whatever.

Seriously, whatever.

Kerala, here I come, with my whole baggage of shit, welcome me with open arms.