I have this sudden inspiration to write. Not in this blogging sense but you know, a letter. Or even a story. I am not sure because it keeps on changing.

Anyway, am taking a little breather away from assignments and have decided to do a little blogging.

Not much has been happening lately but then again, I must admit I am actually having fun at school/NIE. I have made some good friends there and my time there has been smooth sailing so far.

The people there are different you know. They are nice in a different way. Not something I have experienced in other places of learning. I do not know how to describe it but they are just different.

Take for example when I made a mess in 2 of my class presentations. I stammered, stumbled and God knows what else and yet they did not show any form of irritation but instead, congratulated me and told me I was good! I thought I was hallucinating from the after effect of all the built up tension but nope, I was not. They actually did that and one even smsed me to say that I did well and to not worry about anything. As for my second one, they were equally nice.

This is something new to me because, from past experience, my group members, excluding my friends would give me the evil eye and when the presentation is over, I usually become the forgotten one when feed back is given.

So yea, know what I mean? haha. I better improve by the next presentation because I do not want to disappoint again.

Ok, about friends. This is another new thing for me. This is the first time I have friends in my clique that are non-chinese! haha. I have a malay and 2 indians excluding me and it was only on Friday that it dawned on me that for the first time, I have no chinese friend. Not that it is bad or anything. I guess it shows that I have moved a step closer to being more accepting which also means, I am improving in terms of erasing all prejudices from my blood.

Yea me! =)

Let me introduce you the new characters in my latest chapter of my story.

Ayesha

She is 22 like me and is married with a very very chubby and adorable 1 year old daughter. She was the first friend I made because she happened to be one of my primary school classmate's friend and to cut the long story short, I met her once in TP when I bumped into my friend and so we clicked immediately in NIE. I have to admit that at first I thought that by being a mummy(hmm..you know how mothers can be right?), she may be a boring soul to hang out with but I was wrong! She is really fun to be with and has her own set of mischief ever ready up her sleeves. And yes, being a mummy, she is the motherly one of the group.

Rabiya

She is the oldest in the group. She is 37 with a one month old baby boy and hmm..actually, I do not have much to say about her just yet because she is a hard book to read. So for now, I shall just say she is interesting to be with because she shares a lot about her family experiences with us and there is something to learn from them.

Ezza

Of the 3, I click best with her. She is the youngest (21 years) and the most fun to be with because we can talk just about anything. From boy bands to families to food and traveling. You name it and we have covered it. She is a die hard fan of Backstreet boys while I am the ardent fan of Westlife(she does not like them because they can't dance..Hmmph!!). She loves k-pop while except for Rain, I am clueless about it but yet we can go on and on talking about them and yet I never find myself cluless as to what is going on. The flow of conversation is always there regardless of the what we are discussing and that is what makes me feel very comfortable. We are tuned to the same channel. Hmm..I guess that is also because being the unmarried ones, we are not programmed to maturity just yet. I mean, compared to Ayesha. hehe..Oops!.

Anywayz, 3 different characters but one unique bond. I hope we go on to be better friends even after we graduate from NIE and move on with our lives. Then in the years to come, I can add one more group into my small pool of friends. =)

"Strength is a matter of a made up mind." John Beecher

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Wednesday, 9 September 2009

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On this day of your life, we believe that you've been driving yourself too hard lately.
Sure, there is time to invest yourself fully into work, but there is equally important time for joyful resting. And for you, this time is now. What is the absolutely most wonderful little treat you can give yourself? Do it today.

How appropriate. I do not believe in astrology or anything of that sorts but I admit I have fascination towards it like how at times, like today, they can be accurate. I wonder how it happens. Don't you?

Hmm..Have I been working myself too hard? I really don't know. I am a perfectionis by nature and I like my work done on time and with as little flaws as possible but lately, I have not been doing so. I am not satisfied with my output and really would like to do better.

Let me side track a little for now and show you an interesting discovery(actually, I kind of knew it all along from past experience but this just knocked the nail in).

For my Education Psychology lesson last week, we were told to answer a set of 30 questions to derive our suitable learning /working style and with all the calculations done this is my result:

Individual: 48/50

visual: 40/50


Auditory: 40/50


Tactile ( touch and feel): 38/50


Kinestetic ( hands on): 38/50

Group: 22/50 - FAIL!!

So yes, group assignments and I are like

ME<---------------------------------------------------> Group Assignments / Discussion

and no, its not that I do not contribute. I do. Because, work divided among us is somewhat like an individual part so its ok. It is the discussion part that I cannot handle. Especially if it is in a group of more than 3 then I am in trouble because it means less attention on me and I need attention! (not in an attention seeking kind of way but attention to keep me focused, kind of way).

It has been a long while since I have enountered this problem. Till today.

I am disappointed with my attitude but I really could not help myself. I was trying to get my ideas out but there were just so much going on around me that I just switched off. YES. Like really switched off like zonked out, zombified kind of gone out! And then I went silent and slowly faded into the background and somehow took it out indirectly on my 2 friends.

I did what I always do best when angry. Silence and ignorance.

I totally ignored them and whatever attempts made to talk to me. I hate my attitude at times. Seriously. Who do I really blame for this? I really want to change. Seriously, I do. But am not having the right support.

My parents are in their own world while I have bored and tortured my poor sisters enough with all my "I have to change and I am slowly trying to change" empty talk.

The question is, WHEN?! WHEN WHEN!!! Seriously..WHEN!!

A good 10 - 12 years have passed and I still cannot get over things? The wounds should have closed by now right?

I feel so muddled up. A whole web of entangled thoughts in my head.

I need to change. BUT when will I take that step of letting go?

I need to find this girl and bring her back to where she really belongs.

ME.

The key to change... is to let go of fear.

Signing Off On|Wednesday, September 09, 2009|

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Tuesday, 8 September 2009

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One short entry before I get back to assignments!

How have I been lately?

Tired, tied up and agitated.

I am enjoying school and my lessons. Have made some nice friends in which I have alot to say about but shall leave it for another day. Maybe the weekends.

No no, am not buzzing with negative energy. I have alot of optimism inside me. More than I have ever had since my Uni days. Its just this particular bunch of girls in my class that never fail to give me the negative vibes. I trust my instinct because I have never gone wrong with them and they do give me the Ebbee Jibbes. Especially the one in 2 of my group assignments. There is just something not right with her and I know this may sound exaagerated but I actually dread Tuesdays and Thursday because it means possible chances of having to gather in my group with her for assignment discussions. I seriously dread it.

The sight of her gets me all hyped up and I find myself distracted if she happens to sit anywhere near me. I really do not like her. I repeat DO NOT LIKE HER AT ALL. I think it must be her face. She reminds me of THAT girl in SMPS. Just bad memories that I really do not want to recollect. ARGH! I told myself this post should a good one but it has turned out otherwise. Haiz..

Alright, I feel so much better now. Been wanting to say it out for sometime but did not one to sound like some whiner or pessimist. Whatever you call it.

Negativity begets negativity. I have to try to either shake off the feeling or just stay away from her, though I wonder how since I have to work with her.Ala!

“To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.”

Signing Off On|Tuesday, September 08, 2009|

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