Hey Hey! Back after a short disappearance. I am in missing in action mode from people so well, if you do not hear from me,then..I don't know..should I say I am sorry?I don't think what I am doing is wrong because I just want to be left alone for awhile.To do my own things.It has been awhile since I have been left alone.I guess I am not one person who can always have people buzzing around me because it just leaves me feeling drained at the end of the day.Actually,it make me feel more like a chicken on esctasy ;) . Know what I mean?

My heart over rules my mind most of the time. It gets too emotional,it starts to question the mind if it is brave enough to inflict alittle physical pain on the body so that THAT pain will bring a sense of comforting distraction away from the emotional chaos. It is a silly thought but yet comforting. But! guess what, my mind is stronger than it seems. It won't be that dumb.

I have been cancelling on people at the last minute.Some of which are genuine cases and some, just a bunch of lame excuses but that is because I feel very uncomfortable being alone with you.You give me the Eebbe Gibbes!(If that is how it is spelt) and somehow, you never seem to get the hint when ever I spout excuses to you when you call me out. How else do I have to make it clear to you! Aiya..haiz..shall get Mr Back Up to knock it in to you once again. I may be narrow minded but you are one guy I am most uncomfortable being around with. You are nice but yet I get the creeps. Sorry.I know you are my friend. I just wish I could tell it to you more openly so that I can just stop cracking my head for excuses and avoid going to sleep feeling guilty for being a bad friend.

Moving on, I have no clue how my days are just spinning by. Its all in a blur-eye effect. The day starts and the day ends. A new day comes and the same old routine repeated. Yet, somehow, I just don't feel like stepping out of it.

Yesterday was good, I met up with my favourite aunty and it did some good to me. It was sort of like soul cleansing. I left feeling happy with an indescribable feeling in my heart. Joy, maybe.

I have no idea what I am doing.One minute,I want to work and the next, I want to study. It is a 50-50 mark and the clock is ticking.

I have become very pious lately. Atleast,I am trying to be. Somehow, having something-in this case, religion(The BIG guy up there) to turn to helps alot. It is like an invisible cloak of comfort that emits a sense of security,making me believe that there could be someone admist the chaotic mind listening to me affectionatley and helping me to sort things straight out.

Oh dear me, I have to wake up to reality and stop finding excuses. Time and tide waits for no men.

I wish I could just hold on to someone. To hug onto tightly as "pai sei" as it sounds. I don't want to be super woman for just one day.

When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'