Once again I have amazed myself.Haha..everyday is indeed a learning experience. ;).Here goes why..I got up to check my timetable for school and while waiting for my sister to get ready and with some time in hand to spare,my itchy fingers decided to take a walk through blog entries.One after the other I went,updating myself on the going ons of the people around me.

I regretted my early morning attempt at being kay po because what I saw next made my heart fall right into the pits of my stomach.Never in my life till now, have I had anyone hate me to this extent of making me feel so low of myself.Right in my face.I still feel a little numb towards the whole thing but somehow,I just cannot seem to feel any sense of hatred.More than that,I feel sorry.Don't ask me why.Alright,me being me,I cried.Yea,early in the morning somemore! Can you imagine starting your day with tears?But it was my fault for being so kaypo early in the morning.But my poor sister! hahaha..Oops! haha..but I couldn't take it.Everything I ever feared or felt insecured about was right there in black and white.

BUT yet I still can't feel anger!! Admist the crying,I was trying to find anger to bomb her with an sms and I couldn't!!!!! What did I do instead? APOLOGISE!!! (This is where you go "amazing!"..ok lame lah..)but I am still amazed by myself.I mean I usually don't tell people off.Half the time when I do get nasty,it is my sister the blob, who does the message conveying for me.Yea..don't laugh,it is true. That is because I suck at getting my point through.Like I have said before,I only show anger to my sisters. ;) Ok back to the topic.I expected myself to flood the text box with words of hatred but out came an apology and a disclosure at how hurt I felt from what I had read.I am not trying to be magnanimous over here.I was and I am 100% genuine.

Somehow,I still cannot understand why there is no anger inside me.Infact,when I did get a reply,I found myself more relief than satisfied at getting a reaction from her.I could have been a real B***h if I really wanted to muster it all up.I couldn't at all.Hmm??I guess I am just blabbering alot now.Haiz..I just needed to sort some of my thoughts out.

What would you do if you were me? I still feel abit hurt though.haha..I won't deny that.The trust that I had in you all these years has been broken.Everything I have openly shared with you,my insecurities and fears,you have used them against me and I do resent you for it.But then,I don't hate you at all.As cheesy as this may sound,I guess it is because I still treasure you as one of the closest friends I have ever had.But time will heal the wounds.