Monday, 13 October 2008

~*Here we go again*~


Here I go again..

I having been staring blankly at codes for the past 3 hours.They all seem so foreign to me all of a sudden.I do not know how to start the the assignment nor how to even understand the notes infront of me.My brain feels like that of a peak hour highway.Busy, chaotic and noisy. =(

Due date is this sunday and I am way behind schedule.How how How how HOW NOW????!!!!! The more I see codes the more I ask myself why am I putting myself through the torture when I know at the end of my course period,I wouldn't go even a hair's length near its career path.

Who am I really pleasing here?Everyone but myself.Don't ask me to list who everyone is because in reality,it isn't everyone actually.Maybe just my parents and.....I bet you already know my pattern and style when it comes to topic about me and my degree so lets not venture further into boredom now.

I so badly want to quit.I really do.Not quit because I give up, but because I know I am not happy at all.I know me best.If I am happy with what I am doing,not even 100 failures(yea..alittle exaggerated but you get the drift) will make me feel as dejected as this one fail is making me feel.I just need the courage to bring this up to my father.My mind is sort of made up just need a fool proof plan to back me up.

Lastly,quit now or end of the semester?

I detest programming.I loathe IT.Whichever is worse,I do not know.

For those who just cannot get it into their head,read this once more.I have capitalised for easy reading.:

I WANT TO QUIT NOT BECAUSE I FAILED C++ BUT BECAUSE I AM NOT HAPPY.UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE 2?

YES,I MAY PASS MY C++ BY END OF THIS SEMESTER BUT THE HAPPINESS THAT I WILL GET FROM THAT IS JUST A SENSE OF FINALLY GETTING OVER IT BUT IT ISN'T THE LAST OF PORGRAMMING.THERE IS MORE LOAD OF IT COMING IN MORE SEMESTERS TO COME.DO I WANT TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THE WHOLE TORTURE OF IT ONCE AGAIN? no..no..NOT AT ALL.!

I am not being pessimistic but realistic over here. Get it? Once again,IT'SNT BECAUSE I AM ANGRY THAT I FALIED AND HAVE TO REPEAT AGAIN.I have a mind up there,and for situations like this,it does work logically alright.

Oh man..now I understand why my temper has been so quick these days.I loose temper fast and pick arguments with people as a way to just release the in built stress.Know what I mean?The kind of feeling where seeing the person angry makes you feel better.Yea,sucks man.I have to find the old Divya back.

Tension and more tension.I wish I could just take a break and disappear to far away land to cool my head.Bear with my foul mood for awhile,I am trying to find myself and what I really want to achieve in life.You will know what I mean when your time comes I guess.I am like a volcano just waiting to erupt.Over sensitive and moody at the same time.I guess those who are close to me will be affected the most.For now,I just cannot seem to open my mouth and say sorry face to face because I do feel embarrased with my actions most times.But again,just be patient and lets stick through together. ,

"Real education should educate us out of self into something far finer; into a selflessness which links us with all humanity. "
Trust me,if there is one thing we really lack in this world,it is humanity.

Signing Off On|Monday, October 13, 2008|

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