Wahhhhhh...my brain is in a whole jumble of thoughts once again.I so hate myself for this.The girl who gets pissed/irritated/upset easily.Yea,thaaaaaaats me!What is with me lately?I find myself becoming more quiet and less interactive.Suddenly,everyone seem to be a bore to me.Yes,I have been laughing like a crazy hyena once in awhile but once the whole crackling has stopped,I find myself falling into an abyss of silence once again.Mentally that is.Like there is a black hole smacked right in the middle of my brain disallowing any sound waves from entering.
Is it because I am finally maturing?I have been told many times that for my age,I do not behave like how my fellow age group members behave.Is there a code of conduct to follow?Like all 21 year old have to behave in a certain matured manner? I don't know.You tell me.I guess it may be partially true.As compared to how some of my friend's behave,I do feel like a kid sometimes.Like the adult whose thinking has yet to mature fully.Whose soul is still trapped in the body of a developing teenager.Again,I was told it could be because I have two younger sisters after me and that could be the reason.Stooping to their level to fit in with them.Well,more into fitting with the 12 year old kid.
I feel the need to step out.To really explore the world.To see it in a different light.If only my father can just see that I have grown up and just let go.Let me do what I want.As much as it is fun sneaking aound behind his back,I do hope at times that I am able to just tell the truth.I hate lying to him,although it may not seem that way.I mean why can't he just let us socialise,go out with friends,stay out late once in awhile.Doesn't he trust us?The way he has brought us up?Or is is the people out there that he doesn't trust.Isn't it time to let go?How are we supposed to learn?To learn independence,defence to know what the outside world is really like if you don't allow us to just step out and experience it all?And you are the same man who calls us naive and ignorant.Kids who are not as special as the other kids.Ask yourself why your kids are like that.If you still cannot get the answer,ask me.I have alot to tell.
Work->Home.Just because you follow that routine it does not mean we have to you know?school->home.We want to relax and have fun too get it?Not just return to the four walls where we can't make a single noise when you are infront of the stupid television or when you have gone to sleep.Back to a place where if we, other than you switch on the TV is a big sin."Studying kids should just study and not watch television on weekdays?"I find that the most stupid thing ever told.Plus when the weekend comes,who is the one hogging it till night falls and then exclaim that the tv has been on the whole day and to give it a rest when someone else goes and switch it on?You have alot to learn as a father.Just because you work under the sun you think your life is tough?Try cramming an average of 10 chapters per subject for an examination and we will see who has a more hair-pulling experience.
I am so pissed off.I hate living here at times.I really cannot wait for the day where I move out from this house and its stupid set of rules.I wish I could just scream at my parents and tell them to buzz off and leave me alone.I need my space and they are just trembling all over it.Open your eyes and see I am a big girl now.Still have alot to learn but needs to do it on her own!Stop being so protective! I know in years to come,I may regret what I am saying but at the same time,I do not want to look back and wonder why wasn't I given a chance to just step out and let myself learn the art of tackling the world and it's reality.I do appreciate what he is doing but he has to just see what he is doing is only suffocating us and not helping us.Yea,your word is law.Whatever,I am not going to follow it anymore.I am just going to do what I think is right for me and not giving in anymore.
Its about time you two appreciate what you have before it is too late.Amazing others can see the wonderful kids you have while all you see are dumb kids with nothing to be proud of.
The irony of life.
p.s ONLY I can talk "ill" about my father or my parents and I know deep inside me,it is all just frustrations being vented out.They aren't this mean all the time.well,they are 65% of the time though. =)
"He who loves, flies, runs, and rejoices; he is free and nothing holds him back.”
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