Monday, 22 September 2008

~*life*~


Mood today: somber.

Ok, somber may be too strong of a word to describe how I am feeling today,but it is the closest I can get to describing how I really feel.

Firstly,my stomach is still in chaos.I cannot eat without having the urgency to run to the toilet just awhile later.That in itself is enough to put me off.It is exactly 5 days since I have enjoyed a proper meal without having to pay an immediate visit to the toilet.I am one angry,hungry woman living by the saying that a hungry man is indeed an angry man(in this case angry woman).I have to go see the doctor yet I am hesitant because I do not have the guts to visit one on my own.Yea,call me a scardey cat.Whatever.Damn.

Secondly,I feel like writing a letter to someone. To you-know-who.Just to vent out everything once and for all and clear my conscience of its clutter,its guilt.I admit,I do feel alittle ungrateful.Although I know I shouldn't even feel this way.We are/were friends right?I do not like what I am doing yet strangley,I am happy doing it because I feel at peace.She may have gained 10 friends in the process of losing one and I may look like a sucker in her eyes but somehow,I am just brushing it all off.I have taken on the heck-care attitude.It is not as if I have never voiced out my feelings before.I have done so a couple of times only to have myself feel like the bully.The miss polite who just cannot seem to handle such a "speak-your mind-out" behaviour.Hmm..ok,so be it.If that is what you think I was trying to tell you all this while.

I hate losing friends.I really do.Especially those whom I kept close because like I have mentioned 100 000 000 000 000........000 times,I have trust issues and don't take to socialising very easily.Thus,when I made the decision to just let her out,I was a bit hesitant,but I have reached my saturation point and cannot take it anymore.So much for best friends forever.Ha! Kenny told me the same thing too and see where she is and where am I now.I guess I am a jinx when it comes to friendships.Nothing lasts.Well,I still have one and am keeping my fingers crossed.

Laslty,I have a 101 things boggling my mind now and I don't know which to attend to first.Everything seem to require my attention.Top 2 on my list?My life and my degree.I feel like a lost sheep.Every drop of optimism I have inside me is threatening to disappear,to invite more negative thoughts and confusion.Argh! Me and my brain.Stupid little brain!

I will get over this.Somehow,I believe I will.Just be there with me ok?Whatever I decide to do with my life.Do not judge me.That is all I am asking for.

tata!
“Optimism is the cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing, though in hot water up to its nose.”

Signing Off On|Monday, September 22, 2008|

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