Wahhhhhh...my brain is in a whole jumble of thoughts once again.I so hate myself for this.The girl who gets pissed/irritated/upset easily.Yea,thaaaaaaats me!What is with me lately?I find myself becoming more quiet and less interactive.Suddenly,everyone seem to be a bore to me.Yes,I have been laughing like a crazy hyena once in awhile but once the whole crackling has stopped,I find myself falling into an abyss of silence once again.Mentally that is.Like there is a black hole smacked right in the middle of my brain disallowing any sound waves from entering.
Is it because I am finally maturing?I have been told many times that for my age,I do not behave like how my fellow age group members behave.Is there a code of conduct to follow?Like all 21 year old have to behave in a certain matured manner? I don't know.You tell me.I guess it may be partially true.As compared to how some of my friend's behave,I do feel like a kid sometimes.Like the adult whose thinking has yet to mature fully.Whose soul is still trapped in the body of a developing teenager.Again,I was told it could be because I have two younger sisters after me and that could be the reason.Stooping to their level to fit in with them.Well,more into fitting with the 12 year old kid.
I feel the need to step out.To really explore the world.To see it in a different light.If only my father can just see that I have grown up and just let go.Let me do what I want.As much as it is fun sneaking aound behind his back,I do hope at times that I am able to just tell the truth.I hate lying to him,although it may not seem that way.I mean why can't he just let us socialise,go out with friends,stay out late once in awhile.Doesn't he trust us?The way he has brought us up?Or is is the people out there that he doesn't trust.Isn't it time to let go?How are we supposed to learn?To learn independence,defence to know what the outside world is really like if you don't allow us to just step out and experience it all?And you are the same man who calls us naive and ignorant.Kids who are not as special as the other kids.Ask yourself why your kids are like that.If you still cannot get the answer,ask me.I have alot to tell.
Work->Home.Just because you follow that routine it does not mean we have to you know?school->home.We want to relax and have fun too get it?Not just return to the four walls where we can't make a single noise when you are infront of the stupid television or when you have gone to sleep.Back to a place where if we, other than you switch on the TV is a big sin."Studying kids should just study and not watch television on weekdays?"I find that the most stupid thing ever told.Plus when the weekend comes,who is the one hogging it till night falls and then exclaim that the tv has been on the whole day and to give it a rest when someone else goes and switch it on?You have alot to learn as a father.Just because you work under the sun you think your life is tough?Try cramming an average of 10 chapters per subject for an examination and we will see who has a more hair-pulling experience.
I am so pissed off.I hate living here at times.I really cannot wait for the day where I move out from this house and its stupid set of rules.I wish I could just scream at my parents and tell them to buzz off and leave me alone.I need my space and they are just trembling all over it.Open your eyes and see I am a big girl now.Still have alot to learn but needs to do it on her own!Stop being so protective! I know in years to come,I may regret what I am saying but at the same time,I do not want to look back and wonder why wasn't I given a chance to just step out and let myself learn the art of tackling the world and it's reality.I do appreciate what he is doing but he has to just see what he is doing is only suffocating us and not helping us.Yea,your word is law.Whatever,I am not going to follow it anymore.I am just going to do what I think is right for me and not giving in anymore.
Its about time you two appreciate what you have before it is too late.Amazing others can see the wonderful kids you have while all you see are dumb kids with nothing to be proud of.
The irony of life.
p.s ONLY I can talk "ill" about my father or my parents and I know deep inside me,it is all just frustrations being vented out.They aren't this mean all the time.well,they are 65% of the time though. =)
"He who loves, flies, runs, and rejoices; he is free and nothing holds him back.”
I have officially become a weight loss addict.Haha..I am entering my second continuous week of exercising and have to admit,I feel good!I believe I have lost some inches but am too scared to have a peek at the weighing scales.What if it proves otherwise?!!I'd rather let the clothes speak to me.I trust them more than some numbers on a machine.hehe..Oh well,if I can just be a good girl and keep this up for more weeks to come,I will be able to reach my goal this christmas.Why Christmas?You may ask.Well,the end of year sales will be on and what better time to get some nice dresses to wear!Right?!! Wahahaha..plus there would definitely be some christmas party to attend from my father's friends so ahem,put 2 and 2 together and you know what I mean. ;) Ok,I was kidding about that part about the christmas party.No way am I even bothered to impress any of those irritating xxxxxxxxxx people.But anyway,it is still something to look forward to.I love compliments you see. ;) Will I be successful this attempt?Yes.I will be. =) See you on christmas day 2008!(just to be more specific incase some mean people think I meant 2009.)hehe.. Adieu! Good night! “ Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.”
she is still my favourite so you will be seeing more of her. ;)
The time table is out.School would be starting on Thursday.Oh man,how time has really flown by.I am prepared but somewhat scared.The battle with the dreaded subject is on again.Who would have thought a non-living thing can actually induce fear in someone.Maybe I am special.haha..Ok,I am blabbering once again.I am just praying that #$%@&^ *&*#@$ Manisha would not be in my class once again but then again it is already obvious.As much as she can be used as motivation to drive me,the sight of her witchy face is enough to set my blood to 100 degrees and bring my whole mood down.Boy do I really hate her,loathe her,cannot stand the sight of her.Yea..you get the drift. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping against all hopes I have some nice people in class to keep me in check and grounded to my seat.I just hope to have company so as not to feel alone too.Haiz.Whatever the outcome,I will not repeat what I did in my first semester at all.That is for sure because once bitten twice shy. =). May I not see miss witch anytime soon. :p. Adieu!
Good luck to me!
Mood today: somber.
Ok, somber may be too strong of a word to describe how I am feeling today,but it is the closest I can get to describing how I really feel.
Firstly,my stomach is still in chaos.I cannot eat without having the urgency to run to the toilet just awhile later.That in itself is enough to put me off.It is exactly 5 days since I have enjoyed a proper meal without having to pay an immediate visit to the toilet.I am one angry,hungry woman living by the saying that a hungry man is indeed an angry man(in this case angry woman).I have to go see the doctor yet I am hesitant because I do not have the guts to visit one on my own.Yea,call me a scardey cat.Whatever.Damn.
Secondly,I feel like writing a letter to someone. To you-know-who.Just to vent out everything once and for all and clear my conscience of its clutter,its guilt.I admit,I do feel alittle ungrateful.Although I know I shouldn't even feel this way.We are/were friends right?I do not like what I am doing yet strangley,I am happy doing it because I feel at peace.She may have gained 10 friends in the process of losing one and I may look like a sucker in her eyes but somehow,I am just brushing it all off.I have taken on the heck-care attitude.It is not as if I have never voiced out my feelings before.I have done so a couple of times only to have myself feel like the bully.The miss polite who just cannot seem to handle such a "speak-your mind-out" behaviour.Hmm..ok,so be it.If that is what you think I was trying to tell you all this while.
I hate losing friends.I really do.Especially those whom I kept close because like I have mentioned 100 000 000 000 000........000 times,I have trust issues and don't take to socialising very easily.Thus,when I made the decision to just let her out,I was a bit hesitant,but I have reached my saturation point and cannot take it anymore.So much for best friends forever.Ha! Kenny told me the same thing too and see where she is and where am I now.I guess I am a jinx when it comes to friendships.Nothing lasts.Well,I still have one and am keeping my fingers crossed.
Laslty,I have a 101 things boggling my mind now and I don't know which to attend to first.Everything seem to require my attention.Top 2 on my list?My life and my degree.I feel like a lost sheep.Every drop of optimism I have inside me is threatening to disappear,to invite more negative thoughts and confusion.Argh! Me and my brain.Stupid little brain!
I will get over this.Somehow,I believe I will.Just be there with me ok?Whatever I decide to do with my life.Do not judge me.That is all I am asking for.
tata!
“Optimism is the cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing, though in hot water up to its nose.”
Anyway, am keeping my entry short today.A little tired and zonked out from all the toilet visits. ;). “The four cornerstones of character are: Initiative, Imagination, Individuality and Independence” p.s I am not making the move anymore.=) + I guess I was a little to harsh on Michelle this time.But who cares.Learning to care only when required. ;) Peace out! Adieu!
Back! Still feeling abit woozy but 10 times better than what I was 4 days back.I know one thing is for sure,anything with chicken is out of my meal plan for awhile to come.Why because I still insist it is chicken that made my whole stomach process upset.My 2 main meals on thursday coincidentally consisted of chicken! Bluek!!and I can still "smell" the chicken patty on my hand.Eeew..no more burgers for awhile too!haha..burgers should just be eaten ready-made and not made from scratch cause just thinking back to the whole process of making the patty is making me want to go puke again.Yuck!
Can't wait to get my hands on this cute little grumpy bear!
CUTE right! Ahhhh! Just looking at it makes me smile! I have been hunting for it for quite awhile and was thrilled to know that Lot 1 had it and Ke Xin volunteered to get it for me!Yeah!!I love soft toys they never fail to put a smile on my face.
I was looking through some of my older posts and realised how much of garbage I have allowed myself to let go the past days.I have "grown"not width wise but character wise.hehe..but I am slowly becoming happy.Strange how something that you thought was the best gift ever is the same thing that actually caused alot of emotional roller coaster inside.Its no wonder they say that at times,we have to take a step back to see our life with more clarity.I have done just that and now I do realise what has been holding me back all these while.I don't blame it wholly,but it was enough to cause alot. =) Slowly letting go.
No more guilt. No more hiding.No more holding back.No more sarcasams.
No more fear of hurting.(pending)No more doing something wrong and not knowing why.No more suffocation. No more lies.No more fake smiles when I know I don't really want to be there.No more inferiority.Always checked out by a cute guy while some werido(as pointed out at location) "checks" me out.No more contradictions. No more this,no more that.
No more.
Only one left to over come.yeah!!
Firstly, YEAH!! Completed 7 days of my challenge!! Feel like bursting some crackers to celebrate.(:p..it took alot of self control ok!!)If only dieting could be as easy as this.The 7 days sailed by faster than expected.I guess it is true,its only in the first 2-3 days that we find it the most tough to stick by the rules but once we have passed through that first stage,the rest of the days will past in a breeze.I have to start forcing this tactic onto my diet plan.If i can do this challenge,dieting would be as easy as spelling C.A.T(meow!).hehe..
So what have I been up to lately?Well,monday started off with me snoozing for most part of the day, thanks to the pre-onam preparations and its post-celebration effects.I was shagged to the bone.Sleep was all I could dream of.However,monday also kick started my newly revised exercising plan.I am positive I won't run out of schedule this time thanks to my new exercising partner.Since she is just a stone's throw away from my house,it wouldn't be easy for me to squirm my way out with excuses this time.(btw,her mother baby sitted me during my growing up years.So I sort of grew up with her too :) )So,I have something to look forward to in the coming weeks and in months to come,a fresh new me shall evolve.wahaha..!
Anyway,got to cook the past 2 days! Blob and I helped akka out to make fried rice and fish cutlet yesterday and today?We made chicken burger from scratch!!! Really really from scratch ok!haha..it was fast and fun to make plus we were doing our own version of Ramly burger.hahaha..yummy-licious!!*BURPPPP!*Ahhh..satisfied customer. =)
Ok,before I bore you guys by going on and on and on and on and on.....and ON, lets end it here. ;)
Adieu!
I am a happy girl learning to become happier. =)
Good night!
“Don't miss all the beautiful colors of the rainbow looking for that pot of gold."
Fun right! So can't wait for it!Shall post up pictures of them if I do remember to even take any :p . I am trying out postive thinking.It will help.It has helped before. Adieu! Day 5/7(get the sushi ready!) "It isn't what you have in your pocket that makes you thankful, but what you have in your heart.”
I NEED to step up!!Will be meeting up with Vanita Chechi later this evening to go jog and climb stairs.We agreed to meet up three times a week in the evenings to exercise and I am so hoping that unlike my past attempts,this would last.haha..I really hope.Plus,akka,nisha and I have decided to join Narayana Mission's ladies Yoga on saturdays and again,I hope we last.haha..I suck at commitment you see,one moment I am so enthusiastic over something at the next,it fizzles out.But I believe I woudln't give up so easily this time as I have not one,but three people doing it along with me so cheers! to the power of three! hahaha.. :p.This week is going to be an exciting week!Have planned up some activities to do with akka and here is a rough break down:Cooking!(am going to be her assistant as she learns to cook and surprise Anish annan :))BadmintonSlackingCooking experiments!I want my last 3 weeks of holidays to end with a bang before I go back to the school of nightmare in october!
“He who is humble is confident and wise. He who brags is insecure and lacking.”
Speaks alot eh?I hope one day,if ever you get a chance to read this blog,you will realise the meaning of the above quoted sentence because he who thinks he knows all does not know that his knowledge is but that of a drop in an ocean.So wake up before the pride in you causes your major down fall.By that day,I hope we are the ones who put you back in your place.That is my silent prayer for you.
On a lighter note,Onam was Fanta-bulous!!It was fun,everyone could make it except Fahmy and Arethi!!! What a waste else all 13 grand kids could finally fill up the long awaited family portrait.Hopefully, we can take one soon before Deepti Chechi goes back to Australia.
Food was good,atmosphere was lively.I love my family loads.My wise and humourous uncles,cheeky cousins and wonderful aunties.We may have occasional conflicts but we always pull through and stand as one family,one I am proud to boast around with.
Lets continue to be together as one for generations to come. =). God bless.
Pai-kias wannabes!
7/9 the budding ladies of the family. missing:Aaliya(went home) and Areti.Check out the tiny mosquito at the bottom corner. =)
Adieu!!
Day 3/7 (so far so good!!)
HAPPY ONAM!!
Shall upload pictures soon! Especially the Uttapoo! I finally got to do one outside my grandfather's house! hehe..Have a fun onam and Happy feasting on the good food! hahaha..what is onam without yummy food?! forget dieting and lets indulge! =)*burp!*
I am satisfied with how my day went.After a long time I finally did some traditional stuffs and I am happy inside.I love traditions ;)..must keep them alive..wow..I sound like an old aunty! hahahaha.. =) Have fun!
Hope to have it this grand one day.Especially the design of the uttapoo.
Day 2/7 of challenge(successful!)
“Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things.”
^
^
This is dedicated to me..haha..my head is filled with quitting school! I need a wise old man/woman to talk to me! Any volunteers?(Applicable to old people only ;) ).
May this onam bring more of the BIG guy's blessings on us all.
Good night!
Adieu!
Update on Unniappam making =)
Getting our hands dirty!!
getting them heated and fried
Now,for the 2nd batch..
So far so good..!
Perfect!! But smart me didnt get the final outcome.But it was as good as expected =)
It was fun! Plus easier than expected!That is for first timers like us. =) With guidance from aunty,we managed to make quite nice tasting unniappams. :p.I shall let the pictures and their captions do the talking.
It started with utmost concentration
Then the fun began..
Our shifu! giving some tips on mixing the batter!
Ok,it doesn't look that appetizing because that was our VERY FIRST batch!and they got burnt :p
.
.
.
.and the next sizzling thing aside from the fried bananas....
USHER!!
AHhhhhhh...dreamy..I love his smile! =)..Ooooh lala!..especially on the last 2 pictures..hmmm..okok..before you guys think I am mad,I just can't help it! haha..Usher is my favourite singer..his voice,his looks,perfect package. ;)..dream guy?? hehe..yes! ok I have offically lost it..but I am happy..so who cares?!
"Don't go for the looks, it can be quite deceiving. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away -- go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. Hope you find that person."
I hope I find that someone too. =)
Day 1/7 of challenge
Signed,sealed and delivered on 10/9/2008.
Adieu!
THE TRUTH IS OUT.I was mopping the floors when my mind started its thinking process.(I realised,I think better when I do house work especially,sweep/mop-there is just something soothing about the whole process.haha)I just received a call last evening from SIM asking if I want to continue studying and if I am aware I have C++ to take again the coming semester.I answered yes.Obviously right?Well,I realised that when I answered Yes,my heart did not agree with what my mouth answered.The same confidence in which I had when I answered the previous semester was not there,neither was the sense of satisfaction that a new semester is about to begin.I won't say my previous semester was bad.It was fun as I had friends unlike my first semester in school.So why am I hesitant this semester?Could it be that it is because I have to face programming again for the second time this year?A subject in which even in poly,I dreaded so much.The answer is YES and NO.Yes because I hate programming and I just cannot seem to understand the whole logic of it no matter how much I have put my heart and guts into it.Take last semester for example.I worked my butt out for C++ and what did I get in return for that stupid subject?' F!"Freaking 'F!"can you believe it?I can't.Why NO(why C++ is not to be blamed)?well,that is because I finally realised my heart in reality,is actually not here.Not in IT not even in security which I used to think was what I actually wanted.The truth is finally out.It took 1 1/2 hours of mopping just to discover it.Believe me on that.The only reason why I really wanted to go ahead and study was just to prove people that I can achieve something in life.That what people thought of me and my family was all wrong.I just wanted to do it to prove others and not myself(that is because I personally know I am a capable person).Thus,the lack of self motivation,self satisfaction.I even realised that not being able to pursue the medical field is not 100% disappointing to me because deep inside me I know that if it isn't meant for me then so be it.Life has many doors for us to open and explore.What am I supposed to do now?I am really lost.I am torn between discontinuing with the degree and continuing with it.I decided to first finish with C++ and then make my decision and that is because passing C++ is a challenge I want to conquer and show MYSELF I am actually able to do it if I really decide to put all hatred aside and focus on it.Do C++ because I want to and not because I HAVE to like I was doing before.Maybe,with a change in mindset,I maybe able to pass it with a breeze.I am scared of the outcome.No kidding about it.But it is my life and if I am not satisfied why should I satisfy others.I know I will be disappointing my parents if I choose to discontinue but I believe that if I come up in life doing what I am happy with,then that piece of certificate paper won't matter to them at all.They would be just as happy,just as proud.So for now,I shall buy time by just focusing on my C++ and from there............the answer will then be known.All I am sure of now is that even with that cert in hand,I would not be pursuing in the field of IT security.Nope.I am80% sure I won't.I know that because I discovered that I like helping people and animals.My soft spot is there.So I hope I can venture into social service.Hey blob! maybe our motivational business should just take place if you know what I mean ;).Before I sign off,let me tell you my latest craze.Unniappam a.k.a banana balls!haha..I have been imagining many variations for it but unfortunately,the idea didn't take too well with my skeleton of a cousin!haha..never mind akka! We will grab Nisha along and do our own receipe variation ok?!So exciting!Adieu!"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." p.s I decided to leave some quotes for the day for a little food for thought because I love reading them so why not put it up right?hehe..
one year old
"cheeky" is spelled all over her face =)
First thing first,HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY NEHA "BABE!" You may be 3 years older now but you still have your mischievious characteristics growing inside you.Stay naughty always! =) muacks!
Okie,What have I been up to the past 22 hours? Well, nothing much actually.I was supposed to wash the floor at my excess area and throw the new papers out but laziness got over me.Oops! haha..never mind,I have more time tommorrow since I have no tuition to run for in the middle of the day.Anyway,after tuition,decided to pop into Sembawang to personally wish the little babe a Happy Birthday.BUT,before that I had to get something for her on behalf of my 2 sisters(that was before I knew the blob could make it on time to meet me there).So down to cause way point I went to source out her little gift.It was fun doing it alone but yet boring in away.I am one who needs company with me to exchange opinions before I buy anything.hehe.
Made up our minds when the Blob arrived.Decided on a Funshine Carebear back pack(yellow!!),a winnie the pooh stationery set and .....a growing chart! haha..that is too keep track of how fast that little monkey is growing up right before us.haha..It feels as if it was just yesterday that we were all waiting in aniticipation for her arrival into this world and now she is already 3.Grow slowly Neha! Take your time!!Man,I feel old now.Haha..love her loads!She never fails to make me smile with her "innocent" pranks and baby mischief.Oh! and you should hear her sing! It is so cute! Her favourite?Barney the dinosaur's I love you song!.haha..just sing part of it and she would come running to give a "great big hug and a kiss from me to you"and before you know it she is back to what she was doing before she got interrupted-Mischief making.hahaha.
We need more kids in this family! *hint* hint*(this is *hint* only applies to the married women of the family and by far,only 2 are married..so get the *hint* :P )
I will be waiting with great eagerness for the arrival of another baby.hehe..okok,I know SOMEONE is already waiting to throw stinking diapers at me already.wahaha..I shall end now before it happens. ;)
I am happy !
adieu!
I need retail therapy!Anyone wants to donate some ka-ching into my bank account?Hehe..fingers are twitching but the pockets are empty.Never mind,I have to just control for another 2 weeks more.Time will fly by then I can shop till I drop! That is after I settle my hp bill :( . It is ok, some money in the hand is better than none in the hand. =)
My mind has been in a whrilpool of confusion the past few days but for now,lets not go into it.As usual,with me,there is always bound to be confusion in my little machine of a brain.
Anywayz,Onam is nearing!!Time has been really flying faster than one can blink their eye.we are just 4 days away from it now.Wow.haha..but the wonderful aunty we have at home seems clueless as to what to prepare.Grrr..and she is from the country this festival originated from.(horrible right!I so miss selvi aunty!)
Ahhhh..I miss the yummylicious spread of "palarams"(i hope thats how its spelt plus it means tidbits a.k.a kuey)and traditional curries usually made to celebrate onam.Just the thought of it is making me drool.Hmmm..I shall try finding some recipes online and try them out.Hopefully,they are edible enough for appupa.haha!Shall ask my sissys and cousins if they want to help out too! It will be so fun if we can all sit down together and make..Hmmm! Shall ask them about it soon!
Imagine the sight of young women in the kitchen attempting kuey creation and curry making.hehe..it would be one chaotic kitchen! As it is with me and my sister, hell can already break loose.Add 3 more and what would you get?Don't even want to think about it! ;) .
Lets hope this Onam goes as well as the previous Onams we have been celebrating.I really hope aunty can atleast come up with something basic if not for the usual spread.Those were the days with ammuma around.No one can cook like she does.
Nope,I am not going to emo now.I will be happy cause I know she would one that too. =)
Ok,let me go find some recipes on how to make unniappam a.k.a fried banana balls.(don't think dirty lah..you know who you are ;) )
a little quote for the day:
"Success comes to those who are neither afraid to fail nor discouraged by failures."
^
^
When I saw this quote,the 1st person that came into my mind was you chips! so this is for you.=)
Peace out!
Adieu!
I managed to release some fustrations out today.Verbally.It was just too sudden,I could feel the irritation just suddenly overwhelm me in that one split moment,I had to talk it out.Thankfully,it helped.I feel less tortured mentally now.Every small thing seem to affect my almost saturated brain these days.Haha..=).
I intend to slowly let her out of my life.As much as I hate it,she has been affecting me alot negatively.Maybe I am over sensitve and just cannot follow her ways of talking/behaviour but I'd rather she goes then I get affected further.I have had alot of peace the days she weren't around and I do want those days to repeat itself.We shared alot of good times but sometimes,it is the bad things that seem to overshadow it all.It is not how much of good times we've had,but how "mentally torturous"the remaining of the times were.
If only it was as easy as burning paper to ashes then atleast it would be faster and less painful.Dear BIG guy up there,let this one decision of mine not go wrong.
Oh man,I am confused now,ahhh! hahahahahha..damn! ok..hmm..Let nature take its own course.When the time is ripe,it will happen.
p.s Its about time I let mr pilot go too.Hmm..haha..I need more papers and matchsticks. ;)
Adieu!
I am so ashamed/embarrassed/disgusted/hurt,I wish the floor beneath me could just open up and swallow me into a dark abyss so that I never have to come back and face what I just did.I am very disappointed at myself for denying so openly to the "mistake" I commited.That too to my own father.The irony of life.One moment I was over the top with pure joy and laughter and the next,I am back down to ground zero.
Why oh why!! Couldn't I just admit it then and there?
1)It did not struck me at that point coz I was too stunned by how I was the first person to be accused.This isn't the 1st time I am the first to be blamed.It really hurts even when I know I am guilty.But I know inside me,I did not do it just for me.Its ok.There is sunshine after every rain.
I can only think of one point now.It is enough to summarise my whole jumbled knots of emotions.
Well,one thing is for sure,I loathe the fact that I have been compared to the one person I so hate being compared too when it comes to lies and cheating.I didn't know I was that despicable.Or am I? I don't know.Maybe because I have never thought that someone could actually see me in such a light.I must have been really disillusioned all these while.
My pride is broken.It was broken the moment YOU compared me with HER.Damn it! I hate it when people do that.Well,you are not the first.Someone has compared me in a similar way before you.So I shall just add what you said to my list of condemned and one day,when I am ready to finally let go of all the grudges and hatred I have inside me,I will burn it to ashes and just let it go.Yup,I will.
Introducing the new and improved divya.=)
Just smile and let it go because he who angers you conquers you.
Learning to take life with a slack-o attitude.
I feel better now.
Adieu and good night!
I am HAPPY! I don't know what got into me today.I walked with amma to work and brisked walk back home in a cheerful spirit.A stark contrast to the moody me I was when I got up.I am not a morning person you see ;).Anyway,like my usual routine,I turned on The Oprah Winfrey Show to get my daily dose of inspiration but today,it failed to entertain and thus I had to resort to my laptop.Next thing I know,I was on my feet jumping around and "dancing!".Hahahahaha..!It was so fun!It all started with me blasting the Hairspray song "Can't stop the beat"on youtube and it was enough to get my feet tapping and hips shaking to the beat.So fun! haha..and on and on I kept on going.Song after song.Dancing can sure lift one's spirts.I found myself less irritable to people and more tolerant to them after that.Amazing what a few moments of letting loose can do to a grumpy like me! hehe..Have to do this more often. =)p.s 
my mum used to call me that when I was younger.Yes,grumps/grumpy bear,because I loved the cartoon Carebears and I was one heck of a grumpy kid! So you can see where I got my traits from(see picture above).Coincidentally,Grumpy bear was my favourite character in the cartoon series too! haha.
I have been behaving like an "idiot" of a friend lately.Sort of like a retribution to some.I don't know,I guess I am in "revenge" mode.To some,I ignored their approach,while to the other few,I totally stopped entertaining.I guess I have already reached my saturation point.I mean seriously,I have.Imagine a scenario where a friend comes up to you or calls you and then starts talking.Ok,you entertain.Poor friend needs a listening ear so why not?But thats not all.It happens over and over again!It becomes like a bloody daily habit.How much is too much?!You tell me.I mean,I have my own crap too you know.Do you hear me grumbling every day?Plus,I do have my share of exciting stories but somehow,they don't seem to be heard or when they do get heard,all I get is a one word answer.So much for listening to me.I know,I know,this is the umpteen time you are reading about me on my importance of a 2 way conversation but I just cannot help it.I have friends who will ask me about my day,my thoughts etc and I have those where I really can hold long conversation of varying topics whether online or over the phone.Out of these 2 category of people,I only answer genuinely to a speckled few because sometimes,I find some do ask just for the sake of asking.They ask you how are you and before you can answer them,they are back to rattling away about themselves.So why ask right?So what have I been doing so far,I have become the one-word answer responder.Whatever they talk,I answer with just a word or if I think its not worth any answer I just ignore.Yea,Yea,laugh at my lameness,whatever.haha..I know I sound like some gong gong but oi! I really cannot take it anynmore.For those who know me very well,you will know I love to talk and give opinions on things and if I am not given that chance,I will just clam up and I hate it.As much as I deem myself more of a listener than a speaker,I love to hold conversations,not many have succeded in doing that with me.Strangely,they are those I hardly keep in contact with.Take my secondary school mates for example.Farah,Wei Xian and Michelle(Michelle is now MIA).Put me with these 3/2 and I have alot to say.I find myself the least guarded with them.I am 100% Divya no walls up at all .Honestly,no walls.My best friends haven't even reached that level yet.Well,only one has managed to make me talk deeper about myself but still I find myself guarded in someway.AGAIN,I do not know why(I intend to keep alist of DON't KNOW WHYs,and fill them up with answers slowly.Haha).For now,I feel good playing the role of an "idiot".I hope my guilty side does not take over so soon.I am not done playing counter-strike.Adieu!
It was fun.We enjoyed sitting at the roof top of vivocity and talking about everything from work,school,relationships and just about everything you expect when three girls are put together.It was very relaxing with no tension.No tension because after a long time,nish and I told acha the truth about going out and thus we had 1 less thing to worry about.We could take our time to take in the night and the company.
I do hope we can do this frequently and go back to the good old times when we were all younger and full of nonsense.The good old days.I really miss it.Lets meet up frequently ok? Like once a week,lets meet for dinner and talk the night away.It was really "slack".We could talk anything just like last time.I loved it. =)
On a different note,I have been feeling very uneasy these past few days.My heart is always fluttering as if it is warning me of something that I seem to be missing.You know, the kind of feeling where you just sense something bad is going to happen but your brain delibrately chooses to block it out?Yup,thats it.Very disturbing.I hate such feelings coz from past experience,they are always accurate(choi!) and I hate it when they are(choi again!!).It makes me all the more paranoid.I am scared.let me have a few more years with him?Please Mr BIG guy up there.I am not ready to let him go yet.No way.I am still pulling myself together from ammuma.Make him stronger again like he was in the past.To eat properly and have higher mental strength.To know that he has not one but 13 grand kids and one great grand kid who loves him alot and will be there for him even though we may not be able to fill the place of his wife.He has to be strong.Stronger.Amen.
p.s Before anyone of you throw your shoes at me for being a "suay" mouth,let me clarify that I really have to voice my thoughts out or else I will go mad keeping it all inside.Furhter more,I do not like talking such topics in person.They freak me out.
Have a good day!
"Every morning you have two choices, continue your sleep with dreaming or wake up and chase your dreams. The choice is yours." Author Unknown
Just a little thought for the day. =)
#%$^&!!! &*^&%!!! Wahh! Somethings just never change despite the many hints thrown around. ARGH! #$%@^&!*. No wonder my mother always says never expect a dog's tail to be straightened.I finally understand why.AHHHHHhhh!!! %*(&^!! I am so tired of repeating myself I am just going to leave this post hanging.I am so praying for the day I burst at people who constantly go on and on and on with ____________ and nothing but their __________.May that day come soon.&%%^$!!! I am so irritated.Wah Lau!!You never change lah! Solid man! I think 24hrs also you can go on and on and on.Then ask me about_________ just for the sake of it.I did not like it one bit.Please,I know the emotional torture I am going through even if it is all lame to you.This isn't the first time! ARGH!!! @#$%&*!! It is about time I take the step in putting people in their right places and just telling them off when I think they deserve to be told off rather than put myself through this whole mess of keeping quiet and boiling inside.When the volcano erupts I am the one who would be left cleaning up the mess caused by my erupted emotions.Soon Sooon!!!Let me get myself prepared.Atleast by telling off on the spot I can reduce the amount of grudge I hold against people.Tell off and settle rather than bottle them all up and make them grow in to "poison" to my soul and mind.Haha..Haiz..ARGH!
And the award for Best SUPPORTING Actress goes to.........ME!!!For being so patient with people and their stupid nonsense! I deserve this award.
"I would like to thank XXXXX,XXXXX,XXXXX,XXXXX,XXXXX ...the list goes on for making me into who I am today and for letting me win this prestigious award.I am sure motivated to work harder in being an extremely good friend cum "entertainer".Thank you."
Right.
I need to book myself into rehab.REHAB! WHY? Are you alcoholic? Ans:No.
Are you on drugs? Ans:No.
Then?
Ans: I am addicted to tolerating people and being patient with the wrong breed of them.Any support group for people like me?If yes, contact me at 9xxxxxxx.Once again, thank you.
Crap aside,we got to watch how the air force enact a scene of how they get their troops ready should a war threat take place here.They even had "bomb"explosions and "gun shots"from their fighter planes.It was really really REALLY awsome to sit and watch.I was literally left sitting at the edge of my seat.OH! and we got to see a big rainbow!!!It was really beautiful! Take a look at the picture below: The planes before they took off! 
I am high from post SAF open house.The sights and sounds of it.It was really fun though at first,the weather was really a pain to the head.The planes at close up were awesome!Especially that of the Black Knights!It was the crowd favourite.So were the pilots clad in their black jump suit.There is just something about men in uniform.Haha..even the least attractive seem to look good in them ;) . We spent the whole day there and got burnt thanks to the scorching sun.Well,more like my cousin and Nisha.Haha..hmm..I just got burnt a teeny weeny bit.Thank GOD for the natural sun block in me. ;)
THE Black Knights.The cloud effects with the image of the plane just goes so well
Just to show how high up the wing is from the ground.Indeed we felt small. :p
Love the symbol used for the plane.Mysterious and with presence.
I so badly wanted to sit in the cockpit of the plane but was put off by the queue.What a waste!But never mind,there is always next year's to attend.
I had taken a really good video(assumed at that time)of the aerial display and the whole process of the Fighter jets preparation before take off but due to my over excitement,to capture it all,I forgot to press the record button only to realise it when it was too late. :( .hahaha.
My favourite part in the whole event?Sitting and the viewer's stand even when it started to rain! It was so fun! Just sitting there and taking in the rain and the sound of the Fighter planes' engine roaring in the background..it was pure bliss.Unfortunately,we had to take shelter when it got heavier.Thankfully,the aerial display was not cancelled and we still managed to watch it at a delayed time.
Watching the whole show made me for one moment feel proud to be a Singaporean.It amazed me how we,as an insignificant red dot on the world map has all the advanced technology required to defend us from the threats of the thriving giants surrounding us.Small in size and yet we own the latest defense technology that even the bigger countries have not set their hands on.Cool right?!Hehe..ok ok,it is only when I attend such events that my eyes open up to reality.On a serious note,we do have many things to be thankful for living in this country.As muchas we have racisim going on,we are not as bad as countires where riots break out due to racial instability.We fear the sight of police,we respect the government and most of all,we have peace in the country.So you know what?I am going to try tolerating the "ahem" people and their nonsense and just be happy I am living in a stable country.
Wahaha..okok got a little sentimental.Oops!I guess it is partly from the stories I have been hearing from my tuiton kid lately.She made me realise that all that glitters is indeed not always gold. 
The beautiful rainbow!It was more striking in reality
I had great amount of fun learning about the planes,the helicopters and their individual purposes and how can I forget the cool pilots!Hahaha..what are the planes without their "drivers" ;).
Maybe,just maybe,it could me one of my carrer options.hmm? Who knows what the future holds. =) Shall keep all my career options wide and with an open mind.I need motivation to push me remember? This shall be one more to my growing list of motivations. You should keep one too.Keeps you focused.
Good luck!
Adieu!
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