Chocolates chocolates! I need chocolates! I feel as if I am having a delayed case of chocolate withdrawals. haha..I have cut down my chocolate intake ALOT as compared to how often I used to indulge in it in the past and now everywhere I turn I see chocolates!They seem to appear in every cooking show,on tv ads,posters and every shop I enter!
Last night,temptation won over me and I had to give in to its hungry demands.I bought a packet of Nips chocolates(only because they didnt have kinder bueno!) only to have myself craving for even more chocolates! And guess what!With me having cramps today,I actually bought myself Milo with chocolate ice cream in it(this is called inviting trouble to your door step knowingly)! God bless my tummy.
I doubt I can stop this chocolate rampage till I get what my mind is picturing.Thick melted chocolate..sweet yummy melted chocolate.Warm and freshly heated.The kind you get when you make batter for brownies or cakes. Slurp!*.Now I am actually tempted to go buy myself one whole bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup and squeeze it into my mouth.Yumm! Screw the threat of diabetes! I may just do that to end the craving..haha..or maybe not.
Control Divya,control!
Damn all cooking shows! They make me want to just quit my studies and become a stay at home mummy(in future to come)! If only life was that simple,I would do just that.hahaha..isn't it cool to just stay home and do nothing but whip up new recipes and eat and eat and...just eat..Ok ,now it sounds boring.Hmph! But still?Cooking,not eating, seems so fun! I mean,it is a chore if it is something that is not of your interest,but I enjoy cooking and with proper equipments,I believe I can be a really good cook/baker. Just imagine this. Staying at home,cooking up something new for your family and making them happy.Giving them something to look forward to after a stressful day out at school/work.Oh no! What has happend to the no-way-am-i-gonna-be-a-housewife divya!Blame it on the cooking shows!But on a serious note,I want to be a good cook.It is definitely something I want to master.
Indian,western,malay,alittle chinese(not really into chinese food.Oops!).Fuse them all into one dish of psychedelic flavours.Won't it be nice? Shall experiment with it one day soon.Indian curries and traditional tid bits are definitely in my list too!My dream is to travel to kerela to get all the tried and tested authentic recipes and bring them back to this tradition-less country and bring it all to live.Ahhh..I can already smell the aromatic spices.
Cooking is so relaxing.You can cook when you are angry,when you are happy,when you are sad,in love,out of love..whatever the list goes on.. and the part I really love about cooking is that I am the boss! You take a recipe from a cooking show or maybe online websites and then its all in your imagination!Do what you want to it.Modify to your own liking,add something,minus something and vola! It is your own creation!
Never mind,consolation to myself,once I start earning and have my own cozy little home,I can have all the cooking appliances I want and create all my magic during the weekends!
God bless those who are made to taste them! (I meant it in a good way. Because they will love it so much,they will keep coming back for more and in time to come,they will put on weight.!wahahahaha..oops!).
I can be a real thick skin when I want to.
Beautiful smile,comforting eyes..Ahhh..it is all a dream.Sweet sweet dream.May all dreams come true =) .
A little update..the last post left me more sad than happy now.How?!!! Hahaha..believe me when I say hormones can be a real pain in the butt..for me. Whatever it is,I still love my friends.Each and everyone who have been there.Which is just a speckled few.
By the way, I have closed down my friendster account.Guess I kind of outgrew it.
It is a matter of time before it is over.I don't know if it is what I want,but I know I am actually happier and the fact that such a thought has actually crossed my mind means something.Strange.I feel as if something I was holding back all these while is finally released and free.But then,a part f me is still lost and am waiting for a shepheard to head it back home to where it belongs(cheesy,argh! hahaha). There is one problem though,do I really want to let this go?What if all these feelings I am having is just a phase and when in time to come and I am out of it,I regret the move I make?
My thought processor is on.
I know one thing is for sure.I am happy and that is definitely not a phase.I feel more freedom,something I realise I have been lacking and was too blinded to realise.No more guilt.
Some say,weigh the good against the bad and see which tips the scale.But what happens when they are even and the good is really good and the bad can really kill(mentally).What am I supposed to do then?
Decisons and more decisons.Damn.
No more guilt.
No more hiding.
No more holding back.
No more sacasams.
No more fear of hurting.
No more doing something wrong and not knowing why.
No more suffocation.
No more lies.
No more fake smiles when I know I don't really want to be there.
No more inferiority.Always checked out by a cute guy while some werido(as pointed out at location) "checks" me out.
No more contradictions.
No more this,no more that.
No more.
The list can just go on and I still don't know only because the good part of it overrides everything above.
Silly little stupid me.
Decisions shall be made after THE birthday where there will be no happy feelings to dampen.
P.S wish me good luck! asking my father about saturday tomorrow!(Monday).
Looking forward to an overdose of chocolates.Not sure about the party itself though.haha..there she goes again =) .
I have decided to step up on my exercising.I have read up on some activities and my verdict? I still prefer yoga.It is relaxing and also a good form of releasing pent up fustrations.I realised in the week I was doing yoga,I was more in a lighter mood than my usual self and thus believe if I can continue,it would do some good to me and my brains.Like I have mentioned before,there is something in the slow stretches that really work well on me.I am scared of breathlessness thus I try to avoid strenuous activity.For now,that is.Till I can build up my staminar.
I have decided to get a dvd/vcd so as to be able to practice at my own time in the comfort of my home.This way,I can save on travelling money too.Haha..I sound like a scroonge.But yea,every cent I can get is heading into my froggie bank.Its just a pity I cannot find my kickboxing cd!Else I can have a selection of actvity to do each day.I am contemplating whether to buy another one together with the yoga cd or just stick to yoga for now and when the cd is meant to be found,it would eventually be found.Haha..hmm..I will think about it.(money,money,money).
I have to really get rid of another bad side of me else I may just lose everything.That is, to stop being controlling to those around me.Especially my sisters.I realised that everytime I witness a bad sibling-hood, I get all paranoid and start worrying that it may just happen to me and my sisters.So step 1 is to let go.Yup, am going to do just that.By letting go,things wouldn't be so bad.The paranoia would not spread like cancer.I guess they are growing and I should understand and give them their space and stop budging in every single time.I find myself an irritant to them sometimes,nagging so much and at times get irritated at the slightest thing they do.I really have to let go.As difficult as it is,I want to and need to.I find this fear increasing day by day.I can seriously lose 10 friends at one go but not 1 of my sisters.I really really pray that I can be better.I feel as if I am actually starting to go mad.Yes,don't laugh.My sisters mean alot to me and thus when the thought of losing them arises,I get all paranoid and start fussing around.I realise if I continue this way,they may just slowly move away from me thinking I am just invading their space.I am sorry if I jump at the slightest thing the 2 of you do.It is only today I realised how irritating I can be when I always jump at you two saying that the two of you think I am not good enough,or not as smart.well,you know what I mean.But the 2 of you are the best pair of sisters one can ever ask for.Just give me time.
Just a random entry.
Teenagers can be a real bunch of irritants at times.Especially those almost coming out of that age phase.Mouth gets bigger and more untolerable at times.Don't ask me why the sudden short entry.Just got irritated by one.
I was just thinking through a conversation I just had with a friend and one thing she said reminded me of what many in a relationship have told me.She was telling me how her friends come first before her relationship with her boyfriend and that when the situation requires,she will dump him for us.Yeah right.Bull shit I say.It is easier said than done.I have heard these same exact lines God knows how many times and I can confidently say it is all just a bunch of crap.Call me a sour plum.I don't care.I have seen with my very own eyes how the people who give such dialogues end up doing the exact opposite of what they preach. Yea,friendship is everything they say,but then when they break up with their boyfriend,they will go all out to patch it all out.Even if it takes a hundred and one phone calls to him.But when they argue with a friend?HAHA!! A few feeble attempts with text messaging and its over."I have done my part,now you cannot say I didn't try to patch up"kind of thing.So tell me,am I wrong in saying it is all bull shit?If you cannot gaurantee that you will always be there for your friend then just keep your mouth shut and not give such dry promises.To me,it doesnt sound heroic when people say such things.Frankly,it sounds lame.Cliche,in other words.Such things are said so often,I am beginning to think they are all reading from the same copy of script book.Spare me.p.s I am sorry if my past entries have been very negative.Like I mentioned in my earlier post,I am not exactly in a very good mood lately.My hormones are having a roller coaster ride.Again, excuses to act like an idiot.On second thought,why am I even apologising,its my space right? hmm.
"Life is like a rainbow.You need both the sun and the rain to make its colours appear."
I went to bed crying and woke up angry. I don't know why.Hormones are on the loose.No,I am not PMS-ing.I know the reason for the tears because reality has sunk in once again.Death anniversaries can sure hit you right on the face telling you to stop avoiding the fact that in reality,the person is actually gone and to atleast take this one day every year to just stop everything and remember the person.As for the anger part?I really don't know.I just know one word was in my head when I opened my eyes and my brain slowly woke up from its restless slumber. "Betrayal".I feel sick just thinking of it.It has been awhile since I have had this feeling. Sometimes,I wish people would just stop telling me things.I rather live in ignorance than to know who has done what to who.Seriously,I'd rather be.
My thoughts have been playing a mean game of hide and seek with me lately.Just when I thought they were all well hidden way back in my head,they spring back right up and drive me insane.I thought I had my whole C++ madness settled and now they are back once again.Making me feel doubtful about myself,about my abilities.Argh! I cannot stand myself for being so whiney! So much for saying I HATE whiners.
I miss school the way it was with my classmates. They were fun though alittle problematic when it comes to assignments.Never thought I would say that about the friends I have made in SIM but yea,opinions do change.Damn,I feel like just sobbing out loud.I feel so choked up as if I have not let all the water in the dam flow out completely.I hate tears. A sign of weakness I hate showing.
I will pull through though, cause deep inside me, I know I am not a quitter. People can throw all their shit at me or my family and for awhile, I may just remain low,brooding or maybe wallow in self pity avoiding the blows and then when I know I am ready,I will be back on my two feet fighting them one by one.I won't give up.
I will make sure both idiotic people and stupid C++ will get a piece of my constipated shit thrown at them when my time is right and their feng shui is bad.Life would then be a stinker for them.
There, I feel better now =).
Revnge can sometimes taste sweet..(man,do I sound evil.)
2 years just flew by in a few blinks of the eyes.I miss her loads.We all do. But I know she is happy where she is because, she can be with her son,to look after him like she always wished she could.
We all miss you ammuma. I am sure the BIG guy up there is looking after you properly and so is Rajan maman. I love you and really really miss you alot.I miss your assuarance of how beautiful I look despite my dark colour,your chicken curry,your constant naggings on how we should behave as proper girls and most of all, sleeping next to you every saturday as you teach me to sing the whole of twinkle twinkle little stars even if you have done it a hundred and one times and I still could not get it into my head(I promise to make an attempt to remember it =) ).
Take care and send my hugs to maman.Tell him he is still my no.1 favourite uncle and I miss him calling me "Molai."
23 july 2008.Twinkle, twinkle, little star,How I wonder what you are.Up above the world so high,Like a diamond in the sky.Twinkle, twinkle, little star,How I wonder what you are!When the blazing sun is gone,When he nothing shines upon,Then you show your little light,Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.Twinkle, twinkle, little star,How I wonder what you are!Then the traveler in the dark,Thanks you for your tiny spark;He could not see which way to go,If you did not twinkle so.Twinkle, twinkle, little star,How I wonder what you are!
It is the rainy season! ahh..cool weather and long hours of sleep,what more can I ask for! Wait, there is one thing I would like to request for,No Thunder Please!!! Monday has gone by well.Got a new tuition replacement and my day was thus not spent rotting away behind the four walls of my room.The week can go better I believe.I have decided to leave C++ aside till the beginning of next month so that the last 2 weeks of this month can be used to fulfil my wants and needs and to just enjoy and laze in slumber.So what have I planned so far? Well, my mornings will be used to exercise with Farah round our block estate after which,I would just go about doing things I would like to do.They vary from learning a new skill to just slacking out of home so yup! I am all out to make sure this week and the weeks to come will not be spent in boredom.I have borrowed a book on digital photography so that will be one skill I will sure pick up! =)and cooking!!!! I have been watching the Rachael Ray show religiously to get some ideas and I have quite a few ideas improvised and lined up to be tried and tested!Excited! I am going to be all positive and give a go at trying out new things! So stay tuned =).
Update: Character makeover part 1.4-removing the thorns from the flesh.
Adieu!
Here is my update on friday's outing.Ok,I have to say I did enjoy myself.So,I eat every single negative word I have said prior to this day.Met up with Seemanti and Ke Xin at Centerpoint Orchard to get Reshpal her present first, before heading to clarke quay to meet up with her.
I shall let the pictures do the talking..haha..only because I am kind of lazy at the moment and anyway Pictures Do Speak a Thousand Words.hehe.. ;) Oh! and I have to clarify somethings here. The food was great and the prices were actually quite reasonable(100 times better than Pasta Freshca).And the company?Fantastic!I am going all out to keep my friends and no more pushing any away.Each one of them in here are precious to me,I realise,no matter what their flaws,it makes them who they are.Atleast, they are accepting me for who I am right?I have been learning alot lately. Learning how to see people in a different light and also,without wearing the spectacle of prejudice against them.
making the all important decision =)
being entertained while waiting for the food to arrive
candlelight dinner! and yummy drinks =)
Resh and Ke Xin
Ke Xin and Seemanti
Spanish dancer
Seafood Peale and my first time eating mussels! yum!
The starter was fantastic but Oops! forgot to capture it in my heist to finish it!
At the river outside UOB plaza. Biscuits courtesy of Seemanti from scotland
Chocolate cheese cake baked by seemanti for Yours Truly's Birthday!
(she was in scotland at the time of my birthday)
So all in all,I had a blast.I am very happy to say that I did not feel an ounce of infreriority next to Reshpal and we actually behaved like we did post-war secondary school days.We were al happy.Only one missing is Evon! Hopefully she visits this christmas!
Secondly, I have to show the picture of my new wallet!
My new wallet! Saw it when on friday when shopping for the present and could not stop thinking of it.
So I HAD to get it yesterday on the consolation that expensive wallets will last! hehe..excuses!
Nice right?!I know! hahahhahaha!
Adieu!
It has been months since I met up with them.It is either our time clashed or sometimes, I was just being an idiot and would give feeble excuses to not meet up.It was only yesterday did I realise why I actually avoid going out with them.The problem did not lie with them at all.It was well,hmm..something I will just keep to myself for now. I don't know what I was trying to do actually Small in size but huge in strength ;) .. superman! haha Adieu!
My Past Thoughts___
Layout By_____
|Ev0nE's Place Of Authority|
Friday is finally here.Boy am I "excited!"I am so excited, I am almost jumping in joy. Right.
Do I really want to meet them?The answer is yes and no.Yes,because I want to be out and get some pictures taken at the clarke quay area and No, because...because...hmm...I don't really know myself.The excuses seem to change every other minute.But then,I am in an Emo mood now so everythings just feels so wrong.Weird,considering I was so positive yesterday and was laughing so much,my sides hurt and my jaw almost locked.I guess it has something to do with waking up early.Waking up early means a longer day ahead to face and time just seem to crawl.
I am at my wits end as to how to pass each day.I have them planned but somehow,I am unable to carry them out.Argh!What is it that is stopping me and holding me back?Again,I am clueless.
Friday is finally here.Boy am I excited! because the weekend is here and my family will be home and I won't be alone.Till Monday comes knocking again.
I hate lonliness.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Check out my new skin! I did it all on my own!!!! hahahaha..with no assistance from Priya at all.I am so proud of this small achievement because I usually don't have the patience to sit and do the editing at all.(I have a low level of patience in my blood).It took me 1h15mins just to complete this..haha..I don't know if it is good or bad but who cares! I did it! I guess boredom has its lesson to teach sometimes. =) Which brings me to this: I am BORED! If C++ doesnt kill me boredom will. Ahhhh..Yes,yes studying has long begun but still?!! I can't be studying the same SHITTY subject 24/7!!Oh man,I have to find something to do seriously! But then again, think till I can't think anymore.Grrrr..
On a lighter note,meeting up with Ke Xin,Reshpal and Seemanti this friday at some spanish restaurant at clarke quay(GOD bless my already burning pockets).I have no idea why these people(namely Reshpal and Seemanti) love to go to such expensive places..our previous dinner at Pasta Freshca left me crying over the money I spent on the tasteless yet supposed to be well-acclaimed dishes.Well, no point crying over digested pastas now. GOD only knows how this Spanish place is going to be.Why can't they just wait till we are all earning and well-off to go to such places? Whats the hurry man?atleast then,I would't have to worry so much about the bill and the money I have to fork out especially if the food sucks!haiz..
Never mind I can count on being entertained by the company and the stories Seemanti has to tell us about her scotland attatchment..at the least.As for Reshpal and whether she will irritate me(more like get on to my nerves) this time, lets keep our fingers crossed.
p.s I have to already start cracking my head as to what to wear to Reshpal's Birthday party and the excuse I have to tell my father as it is going to be a whole night affair.Party is in 2 weeks time and guess what?It is held at the Fullerton! wow right?Now check this out.Not only is it at the Fullerton,it is going to be at the Chocolate Buffet place. Ironic right?(don't ask me why)I almost spat my lemon tea out when Reshpal told me.Tuesday, 15 July 2008
To call me a bad friend is one thing.To accuse me of lying is another.
Being accused of lying is something I take very seriously no matter whose mouth it comes out from.I strongly dislike(to the verge of hate)people who accuse me of lying whether they were saying it out of anger or in an unsound state of mind.Why?I live by the theory that what is said out of anger or slipped out of the tongue is what is coming out straight from the heart.No arguement needed.I rather you suspect me of lying and ask me directly then blatantly say that I lied.
If I did lie and you call me a liar,well,then obviously I deserve it.But I didnt And it is a fact.
Too late, the damage is done. I am a grudge holder by habit and some OLD habits take time to die.So give me some time,but then again,that would be giving false hope.Sunday, 13 July 2008
I dislike how I look in this picture but I LOVE how we look in it-All Smiles
Since Nisha volunteered to bring amma for her appointment,I decided to go ahead and meet them for a long awaited gathering yesterday and I must say, I came back all smiles.I miss them.Really do.I miss those days where we just did lame things without a care in the world.As long as it made us laugh,we did it all.It has been a really long time.For me atleast.I realised how restrained I have been in the past meet ups with them.Yesterday,I let my hair down and got back to myself.Yup,back to me,myself and I.I laughed,I screeched,I giggled.haha..yes,I giggled.It felt good to be girlish and I liked it.
I liked the attention.It was not the overbearing kind of attention, but the kind where I knew I could just get my way,in a good way that is. I was all that had to worry about.They could take care of themselves and for me, my own.Peace.
We met up at Temasek Poly to just reminisce through the good old days in..the library! hahahaha..most of our poly days were spent inside that beautiful library where instead of studying, we used to create mini havocs and do silly things or sometimes,just do nothing at all.Enjoying each other's company nontheless.We headed to the airport next.Our frequent hang out place back in the good old TP days yet once again.I did not find it boring at all.Infact,it excited me.We took many pictures,and just like we used to,monkeyed around and made a fool of ourselves.Imagine a group of fresh adults monkeying around in the airport..I wonder what the tourists must have been thinking.hahaha..oops.. :).For once,I did not bother.Again,I was back to just being me.I realised on my way home,how much I miss myself.The fun side of me.Them.
Hope we can gather back again..this time,I promise no more feeble excuses.
Before I sign off, enjoy some of the pictures taken.(There are 100 over pictures! Wish I could post them all up!)haha.
don't they look like brothers..from another mother? hehhe..oops!
somethings just never change..the laptop addicts :)
The st*r attraction of the day..not him but his camera.hahahaha
neither of us could resist getting our hands on it :)
I love this picture.Reminds me of my father and his photographer days.
believe me when I say we can be childish
And finally,
No matter what the differences are, we will still be friends ;)Thursday, 10 July 2008
Introducing the Blob. Just look at her face.How much of concentration is put into it.It makes me want to go PooP in the toilet.Thats how constipated it looks.
Okok..before she burst at me let me tell you how great she is(bluek!). Hey Blob! I had to crack my head just for these few lines ok..! appreciate them. hahahaha...
Nisha my sister:
18 at age but 80 at soul.She is wise like the old.
When I am down at my lowest,
she kicks me with her hardest,
Back to the top.
Her words are like swords,
as they slice through my thoughts,
with her words so wise,
they make me want to cry.
Thats Nisha my sister.The Blob.
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
To tie or not to tie? If so,when is the best occasion to tie it?haha..what am i talking about? well,the saree..hahaha..why the sudden talk about it?hmm..I was just browsing through some indian girls friendster profile(SMSS Indian girls)and noticed how everyone of them seem to be in a saree phase.Its like "Wow! I have reached 21 and now being an adult, I have to don a saree and show I have grown!"kind of thing.Not that I have anything against it.Seriously, not at all.Its just that it got me thinking..Am I ready to wear one?It is a very beautiful form of indian wear,it brings out the real beauty of an indian woman and in my opinion,one of the best form of cloth to drape yourself with.with pride.
So am I ready to wear one now? My answer is NO. Not because I am not proud to wear it but it is because I would like to wear it first on that one special day.
My wedding day.The day that I will wear my first saree worn with so much pride,I will be glowing brighter than all the lights in the wedding hall.Yes.As cheesy or mushy as it sounds,that is the first time I will want to wear a saree out.So yup,if I am going to make wearing a saree a common outfit for occasions,then where is the surprise right?And the bride has to keep the guest in awe too right?hehe..
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
The 3 yukkiest letters in my dictionary are the letters
E.G.O
Got to so destroy them.Really soon before they bring me down.
Monday, 7 July 2008
Heyloo..had a slack-o day today.Lazed in bed till 9.30 and took my oh-so-very-sweet time to get out of my bed.As I turned to slowly get up,I almost died when I saw a huge cockroach next to me.However,upon closer inspection,after my blurry eyes cleared itself from sleep,I realsied the cockroach was actually Priya. Thank GOD I did not run for the spray.hehe.. (ok,that whole part was sure lame..hehe).
Anywayz,brought that pest with me to our favourite place.The Library!! Both of us nerds had to spend some time there since the pest had no school today.(Youth day and primary kid? I still don't see the connection.) Got our books,did some reading for awhile and out we went to meet the blob.The blob "ponned" class after her second break-she could not bare the thought of having her two sisters shop without her.haha..
Anywayz,lets come to the point, I got the provisonal approval from MOE! faster than expected! hahaha..so now I can go school hunting! Well,actually more like e-mail the schools of my choice.hahaha..So I have decided on two school for now.Farrer Park primary School,since it is just opposite my block, and ST.Margaret's Primary School,in which no explanation is required ;). I really hope to hear from them soon.Hope to earn some $$$$ as I study and prepare for C++.Ooooh lalalala...I sound happy right? hmm..strangely,I am.hahaha..I guess the dream had a part in it.haha..I had a huge honey coated smile on my face when I woke up this morning.Ahhhh..:)
Sunday, 6 July 2008
Okie!I have finally signed up for relief teaching!Hopefully they will get back to me A.S.A.P!! I have sort of have my 2 months planned out,here goes my chek list(haha..hopefully I fulfil each and every one of them):
-shed some kilograms..hehehe.that explains why the picture of Bipasha Basu!She is so pretty and has the ideal body and HAIR!!!
-character make over..on going
-Sort my head out + study c++..have to master it no matter what
-ka-ching$$$$$..to beef up my bank account
-settle the pest and her psle preparation..:p
-to be a better woman(ok..that was me trying to imitate Robin William's to be a better man song)..haha..
-to be just ME.
P.S take note of today's date..06.07.08 cool eh?!
Adieu Amigo!
Saturday, 5 July 2008
That is what is in my head now.Thoughts.Full of it.Good thoughts,bad thoughts,all in a state of chaos.Help!haha..I just realised something,I have been successfully blogging for one month!So unlike me..but I realised one thing along with this.I enjoy my blogging only because I can vent everything out without any interupption.yup,I realised that.Its a place where I can freely express whatever thoughts without having to feel conscious at all cause you know why?The blog can't talk back nor can it give me a deadpan expression or a there-she-goes-again look on its face.It just stares back at me as I fill it with words.
Dear GOD, I pray for someone who will give me his/her ears for me to just talk away freely. Someone whom I can feel really really comfortable to just go on and on with. I really want a friend like that.(Yeah I have 2 sisters at home,but sometimes you just need a spare one)I am so tired of being a listener.I dont blame anyone but myself cause of my lack of ability to voice out my feelings or thoughts.I think I just need the right person to be 100% myself with.
Why is it everytime I talk,I will definitely get cut off half way or sometimes people just ramble on and on until they finally realise I exist and for the sake of it all just ask me a few questions and after that?It is back to them again.My mother included. I have made a tiny scheme for myself.It is called the I-listen-according-to-how-much-u-listen-to-me scheme.In which for the amount of time the person actually listens to me,I will return that same amount of time to the person when he/she is talking.After which,my mind will go to hibernation mode.Lame.I know.I MAY just do that the next time.Listen and I listen else go fly a kite.
p.s This is part 1 of my 2 months character make over.
Adieu!
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Not going to school the past days have made me realised how much I have been missing emotionally. I am actually happy.Yes, you read it correctly,I am happy.BORED but happy.There isnt that tension proding at the back of my head telling me to quit slackking and get my butt back to work or that tired zoned out feeling at the end of a brain drainning session in school.
Its 2 days since school has officialy started and though I still feel that pang of dejection,I feel surprisingly cool and collected. I guess I have matured alot over the years in poly.I have toughend up.Not much, but enough to get me through for now.I guess I have alot of thinking to do now.I need to write out a list of My Wants and Other's Need and prioritise each of them accordingly.This degree included.I want it..but is it really REALLY what I want?I dont know now.May be cause I am blinded by that stupid shit of a C++ subject.In time to come,I am sure I will find the answer.
I was told to give business a go but frankly, business is not my cup of tea.Nowhere near at all.Atleast I can say this degree I am doing is somewhat in my interest zone but then again, interest and actually doing it is 2 diffrent things.
My heart is really in science.Its my dream.I love it.But MR BIG Guy up there has other plans for me.Being the joker that he is,he threw me into an IT course(something I never even gave a molecule of thought into)and then just not to waste that diploma,I decided to further up in IT itself.Well, atleast he gave a course that is in the security line and again,part of my interest.
Science(Biology)is my interest but compared to IT security,its what I really want to pursue further in.However,I know I am not alone in one thing.Not everyone gets to do what they want in life.We just have to accept what life throws at us and make the best out of it.Like my wise sister(ahem!) always says:"When GOD gives you lemon,make Lemonade."It is true.No point harping on and on about not being able to fulfil our dreams.Cause as long as we are still alive nd kicking,there is always that oppurtunity for us to get out there and fight for what we really want. It may not be anytime soon,but hey!what is another 10years down the road right?Time and age are just numbers not excuses.
If your really want it,look beyond those numbers.I may not being fulfiling my dream of going into the medical line now,but I believe in the near future,I would.Even if I am 60.As long as I still have that interest burning inside,why not?
Who I Am__________
Name: Div
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